Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Time again to pull out the UGGIES

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only> needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5 a father
6. a master
7 a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18 a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20 a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27 attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34 understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes

1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer

Make an Offer

My Garage Sale of which I had at my place last Saturday i'm right down the back in the shade

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

What about funds for Far North Qld?

"Mr Howard also announced an $8 million fund to help the Beaconsfield community adjust to any closure of the mine, and a $1 million education scholarship in honour of the dead miner Mr Knight."

Well, I will bite on this one.

As admirable as this is donating a $1million scholarship in honour of the dead miner, what about donating an equal amount to better transport of shipping and boating through the Torres Straits in Far North Queensland?

The men and children who were rescued after a massive 22 days at sea, hve not been paid one cent (nor do they want it either, they aren't money hungry or out to profit from their rescue)but I am sure that some sort of better boating trasport would be of enormous value to the whole Islander community.

The islands are often up to 70-90kms apart, and it usually blows like woop up there; so high, rough seas are the norm between islands. Recently too, another boat capsized and several people drowned, and that boat was not only brand new, but a Customs Boat, and official government boat. (and badly designed, obviously)

The conditions in which these stoic people live in, is mind-boggling, no way we would put up with such primitve and dangerous transport. It needs some sort of inter-island ferry, a stable craft capable of transporting the population safely and in comfort.

A million dollars would go a long way to helping these isloated communties.

Oh, and one more thing. Why isn't it happening? Because they are black.

Thoughts please......

Monday, May 29, 2006

What was Whats This

Mallard was right its a bag attached to a hoover upright vac

Vegetable beef stew in red wine

Serving size: Serves 4
Cooking time: More than 1 hour


1kg chuck steak
plain flour
2 tablespoons oil
375g (about 15) baby onions
375ml (1½ cups) dry red wine
125ml (½ cup) beef stock
500g (4 medium) carrots, chopped
4 sticks celery, chopped
500g packet frozen peas, thawed
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley

Cut steak into 2cm cubes. Toss steak in flour, shake away excess flour. Heat oil in pan, cook steak in batches until well browned; drain on absorbent paper. Add onions to pan, cook, stirring, until lightly browned, add wine and stock, cook, stirring, 1 minute. Return steak to pan, simmer, covered, 1 hour, stirring occasionally. Add carrots and celery, cover, cook, further 20 minutes. Add peas, cook until steak is tender. Serve vegetable beef stew sprinkled with parsley.

Serves 4.

Beef and Guinness Stew

Serving size: Serves 6
Cooking time: More than 1 hour


3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, chopped coarsely
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1kg rump steak, cut into 3cm cubes
salt and pepper
1 cup (250ml) beef stock
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
½ pint (approx 1 cup or 250ml) guinness
1 tablespoon tomato paste
2 sprigs fresh thyme
12 button mushrooms, quartered
¼ cup chopped flat leaf parsley


Heat a large heavy based saucepan and add oil. Add onion and cook until softened and translucent. Add garlic and cook a further 30 seconds.

Add meat and over a high heat cook meat until it is browned all over.

Season with salt and pepper and add stock, Worcestershire sauce and Guinness and bring to a boil.

Once liquid boils, stir in tomato paste and thyme. Cover with a lid and reduce heat to a simmer. Simmer, covered 40 minutes or until meat is tender. Add mushrooms and cook a further 10 minutes.

Stir in parsley and serve with a glass of guinness and some boiled potatoes.

Smoke Gets In My Eyes

A brief history of smoking within my family

Dad : Smoker of 45 years gave up 15yrs ago

Mum: Non Smoker

Diana ( Sister) Non Smoker

David ( Brother ) smoked from age of 15 yrs died in car accident 1982 at age 30yrs.

Susan ( sister ) Smoker for 30years gave up in 2005

Gary ( Brother ) Smoked socially on and off for last 25 yrs quit smoking in 2003

Paul ( Thats Me ) Smoked since 17yrs of age now at the age of 40plus Quit smoking in 2006

Craig ( Brother ) Still smoking from age of 15yrs now at the age of 40yrs still smoking

The weekend bulls party, just some of my hats

Mondayitis What Is It?

Have a Go

I googled myself last night I admit I was bored at the time but hey you should have seen the stuff that came back so many people in the world with the same name, theres a Canadian Prime Minister, a British sculptor has his own site fantastic to see click to see. Anyways theres a magician numbers of Doctors of all persuasions a Scottish Politician theres even a businessman with my name who is worth $M225,000 000. Google yourself you'll be amazed at what comes back go on Have a go.
This is a traditional aid used in UK schools to help students remember the order of British Monarchs from William the Conqueror on . . .Personally I think it would just take some memorising to learn the poem off by heart,yet my Father of 78yrs of age can remember all the Kings and Queens and can recite off the top of head.

Willie Willie Harry SteeHarry Dick John Harry three;One two three Neds, Richard twoHarrys four five six....then who?Edwards four five, Dick the bad,Harrys (twain), Ned six (the lad);Mary, Bessie, James you ken,Then Charlie, Charlie, James again...Will and Mary, Anna Gloria,Georges four, Will four Victoria;Edward seven next, and thenCame George the fifth in nineteen ten;Ned the eighth soon abdicatedThen George six was coronated;After which ElizabethAnd that's all folks until her death.

Aussie Everest survivor heads for safety

Barely alive after a night in the "death zone" on Mount Everest, Australian climber Lincoln Hall told an American mountaineer who stopped to help him: "I imagine you are surprised to see me here."

Mr Hall, who on Thursday was presumed dead high on the mountain but who was found alive and rescued the next day, is on his way to safety, being carried down Everest on the back of a yak.

As the rescue continued, details emerged of Mr Hall being found alive by American climber Dan Mazur after the Australian's own team had believed he was dead, and who gave him oxygen and hot tea.

Disoriented from the effects of cerebral oedema, an acute form of altitude sickness, Mr Hall was found with his legs over a sheer drop "half undressed and without a hat", Mr Mazur told website.

"Lincoln's first words were: `I imagine you are surprised to see me here'," the website reported.

"His fingers were in bad shape and much of his equipment was gone."

Mr Mazur, who abandoned his own summit attempt to help the Australian, alerted Mr Hall's expedition leader Alexander Abramov, who launched a rescue operation by eight Sherpas.

More info on Australian Climbing here.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Blogging Rules - to some

I found this on another Bloggers site....and I hear what you are saying, but I don't neccessarily agree with all of it..... Patty

Personal relationships and privacy

Do not assume that you know everything there is to know about a writer simply because you read their weblog on a regular basis. Any judgements you make will be based on the information they have provided you about themselves, which is probably vague, incomplete or embellished. Whatever opinion you form on them as people, or their life as a whole, is probably best kept to yourself. Remember, you are the reader. An obvious exception to this would be if someone were asking for advice or opinions.(We all keep things close to our chest, right? Always happy to have feedback though?)

Never contact the writer for more details on events or personal information than what they have already provided on the site. Chances are if the information you seek isn't readily available, they have found it too personal or innapropriate to share. If you are close to the person they will eventually tell you privately, so intrusive questions are not necessary, just leave it alone. If you are meant to know, you will.(Hey, ask away, if you are interested. I will either tell you, or not.)

If you have a real life relationship with the writer, remember that communication is very important. View weblogs as online journals, no less sacred than a diary hidden between the mattresses. First of all let them know that you read their site, especially if they did not tell you personally.(Mate, if it's THAT private, DON'T PUT IT ON THE WEB WHERE IT'S AVAILABE TO 5 BILLION PEOPLE!!)

If they do not want you reading it, or suddenly stop posting entries, ask them why and if necessary, stop going to the site. It is important that as a friend, relative, co-worker or whatever you may be to the writer, that your presence at their weblog not impede their ability to express themselves. Remember this is their outlet. They may not want you to read certain things they might write about you or others you care about, in order to spare your feelings, avoid drama or maintain their privacy. You should respect this and immediately stop going to the site, and never relay any information you gather at their site to others who might use it against them.(Or perhaps the website owner could be a little more responsible in their writings and not make it recognisable, d'uh)

If someone writes about you and you don't appreciate it, approach them about it. Try to remain calm and polite. Explain that you are entitled to your privacy as well. There are many compromises that can be reached from using vague nicknames to protect your anonymity, or not mentioning you at all. If you are upset because they are writing negative things about you, be reasonable, try to see if there is a way to resolve the issues and mend your relationship with the writer. If that doesn't seem to be possible, stop going to the website. They will eventually get bored and move on. (I rarely write about real people, do unto others etc....)

Ex-friends, lovers and estranged family members who have been cut out of the writer's life should refrain from reading their journal. If the relationship has ended, there is no reason you should get daily updates on the person's life. If you simply can't help yourself, do it quietly, and never repeat what you read or use it to hurt the writer.(So just fuck off, ok?)

Feedback and initiating contact

If they have a guestbook, sign it. Compliments will always be graciously accepted and appreciated. Criticisms and reproaches are fine if you have a problem with something, but try to remain constructive and not be an asshole. No one is forcing you to give out your opinions, so if you don't have anything remotely positive to say, it may be best to keep quiet.(You don't have to sign my Guestbook, I am a little over it, but I do like to know if you are there *taps computer screen, and if you have enjoyed visitng my home?)

When contacting a person for the first time, have a clue. If they have a detailed biography and personal information that describes their life from the day they were born, chances are they won't appreciate you wasting their time asking them how old they are or where they live. Writers put a lot of thought and time into their sites, so take the time to read the information they provide you with before you ask for more. (I concure!)

Never assume a writer owes you any response. They may receive from a few to hundreds of messages per day. Some will gladly write back immediately, others will never reply. Try not to take it personally, because chances are it has more to do with their schedule than anything else. If you get upset and nasty about feeling rejected, you will probably ruin any chances you had of befriending the person.(Sometimes I might get 100 emails on a normal day, whew! I do try to answer them all, but it's hard at times, plus I maintain the Song of the Day which at times takes ages to download, then upload, Blog, Message Board, tagboard and my PodCast)

Don't delude yourself into thinking that you will be as important to the writer as he/she is to you. Remember, you are peering in on their life, sharing their thoughts, and though they may become quite special to you, you remain a mystery to them. If they are cold or unreceptive to your advances, keep in mind that you are a stranger to them at this point, and they may or may not want to keep it that way. It's entirely their choice. (Which is why I usually request some info about yoursef if/when you contact me, it's only fair, you see things about me)

Don't be a psycho stalker.

You shouldn't contact people with messenger services unless they list their handles on their website. If you got it from someone else, forget you ever had it, they probably meant to keep it somewhat private.(Whatever, I just don't add them if people contact me requesting that I be added. Especially if I have had no previous contact, it's cheeky)
A writer has the right to stop writing at any time for any reason they see fit, and at no point must they justify or explain these reasons to you or any of their readers. It's their weblog, they can do with it as they please.('Zactley, hehehe)

Offensive language and materials

The internet is a place that encourages free and creative expression, and as in any environment where people are given this freedom, conflict may arise. If an author uses language or materials that offend you, leave. Contacting the person or their isp, demanding they remove the content or change their ways is absurd because you are viewing their content of your own free will by visiting their site. Simply stop going there and you won't have to see whatever it is you don't like about the site. An obvious exception to this would be if someone were providing illegal materials, in which case it would be appropriate to complain to their isp or contact authorities.

Copyright and courtesy

Never ask someone to make you a layout, to help with your site or show you how to do a certain script or graphic effect that they have on their site, unless they specifically offer their help. There are plenty of tutorials available to help you, just use a search engine to find what you need.(What a lot of shite. If I can help you with anything, I will, you KNOW that! :))

Never use anything off a person's site, be it writing, images or html code, unless they say otherwise. People are very attached to their work and don't usually respond well when others help themselves to it. Copyright is protected by law and in effect the minute something is created, whether the author has a © notice or not. There are online tools where you can learn about copyright laws like What is Copyright?and Redistribution In Graphics Has To Stop. (The thing about the net is that we all help each other. Others have helped me, and I will in turn help others.)

Under no circumstances should you ever direct link anything, this includes link buttons and any other graphics the writer may offer. Direct linking is when you type something like to display the yahoo link button, instead of actually saving it and uploading it on to your server. It is essentially bandwidth theft, because it uses data transfer, and the owner of the server has to pay for it. Always save the image and upload it to your own server unless the author specifically states you can do otherwise.(Good point)

Johnnos tropical friday "What is it"

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Then and Now

I heard someone say recently, that it was not a good thing to keep items of clothing from ones younger years, and wear them with today's fashions. The things I wished I had kept though, (because they are wearing exactly the same things). The little mini skits, (not that I would wear those now though), the platform and wedge shoes, a little black, shiny, belt, that I have seen people wearing now. The list is endless.

Are there three items you wore then, that would fit in with today's fashions?

Friday, May 26, 2006

Drink for thought

ALCOHOL WARNINGSDue to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers haveaccepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warninglabels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello.

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you Know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my back with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my arse ???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's maths teacher."

Italian Advice

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver soyou will always remember me.

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have abeautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with anotherman. "Whadda you gonna do then......pointa to you watch and a say, TimesUp?"

Thursday, May 25, 2006

White Poincietta

At least that hasn't died due to lack of water


never ending steps


Was this johnno after spending time down south


Hmm tastes like chicken

If you need a laugh, then read through these Science Exam Answers.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants

like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to

flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature

hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the

Abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains

the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,

E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section".

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

International Tap Dancing Day 2006

Down at the old vaudeville show

Yes Paul, I can see the resemblence to your features in that last haircut photo

Never say die

CAPTAIN courageous ... Darren Lockyer ignores the pain of a cut head to mount an attack last night. After the tightest of finishes New South Wales won 17-16. Don't miss our image gallery of all the action on and off the field. More here.....

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Haircut of the year *cough

Who is that peering thru the curtains???

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

What Women want

awwwww aint love grand

Poor Paul after realising we had been to his house. Oh dear....

...and finally, a phoon. :)

The Cowboys are my Team!

Get off the bleeding phone mate!

Johnno pretending to work (writing on back of beer coaster)

Funny place Paddo some days, tee hee

We have your number Paul, mwhahahahaha

Sorry we missed ya mate, we also forgot to pass on a Sherriffs Badge too, maybe next time. (Glad you showered though)

Phooning in front of BrisPauls home. We knocked, we rang, we phooned! As you do....

...and a phoon (of course) outside the Caxton

My two favourite blokes, *kiss

Sundowner drinks with Johnno, cheers mate

Answer to "What is it".

Well done Stephen. It's a Kitchen Scale.

What is it.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Say Cheeeeeeeeeeese

Someone tell them its better when you take off the lense cap lol

Johnnos weekender "What is it" no.2

Johnnos weekender "What is It" no.1


So i was on my second shot to the green on the 18th hole and who should I find lurking in the bushes

Change the dates of your blog to keep them on top for What-is-it.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Who asked do you kiss or just pat your pets lol

She really needs time away from the P.C

BRING IT ON! First game this Wednesday...will YOU be watching? GO QUEENSLAND!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Soccer Mum

Barcaldine Tree of Knowledge poisoned

The historic Tree of Knowledge in the central western Queensland town of Barcaldine has been poisoned.

The ghost gum is symbolic of the Australian Labor Party, which was founded in the town.

Barcaldine Mayor Rob Chandler says it appears someone has poured about 30 litres of chemicals over the tree's roots.

A tree doctor is assessing the damage and Mr Chandler says the community is very upset.

"The Tree of Knowledge is just part of our history, it's part of Australia's history," he said.

"It's from those meetings under that tree that the Australian Labor Party was formed back in 1891 and it's a very very important part of Queensland and Australia's history."

Tree of Knowledge poisoned!

National Heritage Values for Tree of Knowledge

1. the place has outstanding heritage value to the nation because of the place's importance in the course, or pattern, of Australia's natural or cultural history

The Tree of Knowledge, a specimen Eucalyptus papuana, located in the centre of Barcaldine, is important to the nation as the scene of political and social events, which had a profound effect on the future of labour and politics in Australia. Shearers and other workers used the Tree of Knowledge as a meeting place during the prolonged strikes of 1890-1. The Shearers Strike of 1891 is acknowledged as a significant event in Trade Union History in Australia. The impact of the event on the nation is well recorded, with strong supporting documentation, and is central to an important national story.

The Tree of Knowledge is important to the nation as the scene of actions and decisions, which had a profound effect on the future of labour and politics in Australia. The 6 May 1891 marked the culmination of the Shearers Strike at Barcaldine, when the colonial administration ordered the arrest of the shearer's leaders on charges of sedition and conspiracy. The Shearers Strike is acknowledged as the starting point of political and social processes, which led to the election of the first Labour representative to government anywhere in the world, and to the eventual formation of the Australian Labor Party.

7. the place has outstanding heritage value to the nation because of the place's strong or special association with a particular community or cultural group for social, cultural or spiritual reasons

The Tree of Knowledge is significant to the nation, in particular the Trade Union Movement because of the place's special association with the Shearers Strike of 1891. The Australian Shearers Union merged with the General Labourer's Union in 1894 to form the Australian Workers Union, which affiliated with the Australian Council of Trade Unions in 1966. Labour Day in Queensland is celebrated annually in the first week in May, coinciding with the march of shearers and bush workers on 1 May 1891, May Day, during the Shearers Strike.


What Three Things would you tell someone who is moving to Australia to live with her family?
What Three pieces of advice or tips would you give?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dogs drool, Cats Rule

My master Tuxso, told me to tell Minya, that Dogs drool, Cats Rule.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Fly trap

Fly trap from Bunnings.....after the rain came the flies, this was after 5 days.....$9.90 ea

Anti Smoking Wonder Drug

Lawn Mower

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

The Wonder Drug

Zyban 2nd and last course next 45 days . Gawddddddddd I want a smoke

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Guess who is in love with a beautiful girl?

aw......Paul you must be so happy and content.

Isn't she beautiful!

My Foo dog