Friday, September 30, 2005

How Come?

I had to go to the Doctors today. Nothing serious just a follow up visit organizing dates for hospital admission in October. But thats what i'm not on about.

I've always done the same and I'm sure others do too when visiting the Doctor and was always washed, shaved hair combed and always put on a clean ironed shirt with pressed trousers when going to the GP. So today I'm sitting in the surgery waiting room when a mother and her 2 teenage kids walk in. To my amazement i saw the 2 teenages walk in barefoot in daggy looking jeans half way down thier bum. Then to top it off the receptionist says to this 40 something Mother, "would you like me to turn the tv channel over? " "No," i havent seen this program before said the Mother. You know what she was watching? Dr. Phil

So my beef today is how anyone could walk in to visit the GP with no socks or shoes on without a second thought ?

I think this needs more of a defrag than it's possible to do. Perhaps a scan disk instead?

Stick it notes to remind you not to go on holidays

Or perhaps you would prefere the alfoil model?

Newspaper wrapping

This is what happens when workers have too much time on their hands, and YOU go on holidays.

Does anyone know what this means? It's driving me nuts, with Windows IE closing every few minutes. So sad.

Investing in the future

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly, aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that at the age of 55, he'd be able to find work.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed 30 years of deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then, she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $3 million.

She explained that for the 30 years she had charged him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,

"If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"


You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Go "The Other Mob" Cowboys Posted by Picasa

Funny 'bout that

The following are genuine statements made by people on insurance claim forms....

"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."

"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "

"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."

"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

"My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.

You have to watch out for those penguins!

Need I say more Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Margaret Olley

Australian Painter Margaret speaking at the book launch of her biography about her feelings towards relationships and marriage. " I never liked the thought of someone owning me, I'm a free spirit and being a free spirit means you can do what ever you want to do"

F Troop

Sgt. Morgan O'Rourke
1919 to 1986
The 1st of the 4 main
characters of the tv
show to go

The Ultimate Housemate

Meet Bob my new
housemate, doesn't eat drink
or talk or pinch my remote

Subject: old age
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do
you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral service, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly
feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says,
"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97, don't you
think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose.
Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age,
but they haven't made one yet called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes.
Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.


Morning tea time already?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Lost on an island

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman.

Two French men and one French woman.

Two German men and one German woman.

Two Greek men and one Greek woman.

Two British men and one British woman.

Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.

Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.

Two Vietnamese men and one Vietnamese woman.

Two Irish men and one Irish woman.

Two American men and one American woman.

One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle
of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman...

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a ménage a trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.

The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the British woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Vietnamese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor! s! tore, restaurant and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and setup a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets
somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.

The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of al! l ! her problems, and why didn't they bring a goddamn cell phone so she could call 911 and get them all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.

je suis une Rock Star

Paul hard at work.

I've been waiting days for
these to bloom, and look
aren't they lovely

We cant show you this mans face because he's a Pattycam Watcher

RGGS 30TH School Reunion – the inside story

Well, what was it really like to go back in time and face your ghosts? When I walked into the room, the first thought that struck me was that it was a room full of old women, just like me. Flabby arms, grey hairs, double chins, hips that were too wide, but a smile on every face as we recognised each other.

As I walked into the room, I can hear a chorus of voices “uh oh, here’s trouble, oh no Pat’s here!” and so on. I grin and say “Yeah yeah, let the party begin” but secretly I am shocked and surprised that a) they remembered me, and b) that they thought I was trouble, even though I KNEW they were stirring me. I stand there and will Bear’s old laptop to power up and work. Please God! Again more voices exclaim, “Here’s Pat! Here’s trouble!”


I sent out an email 4 or 5 days before, asking the girls if they would like to contribute to the night with their own photographs, for the PowerPoint. Not one responds. Finally, I ring one or two of them. "Oh yes," one girl sighs, "I got your email".

"And you didn't respond?" I ask increduously. Another girl walks up to me and asks me if I had received her images.

"No, and I would always reply to you if I had received them, we were on the computer up till 20 mins ago, and they still hadn't come through, sorry."

She walks off in a huff. Hmmmm...

Ann comes up to be and hisses, “Can you believe that’s Anne over there?”

I turn around, away from my PowerPoint presentation I have almost gotten up and running, to see whom she might be talking about. We were both looking forward to seeing one of our old mates, who hadn’t made it to any other reunion.

“No!” I gasp, the sense of deliciousness spreading through me, this is going to be good, I think.

One of our old Prefects comes up and asks me how I spell Ann’s maiden name. B.A.K.E.R. I say. Sheesh.

During the night, one of our “head girls” gave a speech telling us how we were all friends, and how there were no clique or girls shunned at the school. Ann and I look at each other – our eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Was this the same school we went to?

During the PowerPoint show, this Head girl continually asks, “Who’s that?” and even I know their names, so I rattle off “That’s Tracey, that’s Lois, that’s Deborah” etc. Her lack of knowledge, for a girl that had attended the school for 5 years as opposed to my 2 years, surprised me. No friendship groups eh? All encompassing, eh?

Right. *sneers

One of the girls that I had dreaded seeing again wasn’t there. Bliss. Relief. I couldn’t even look at her photo doing my PowerPoint, she distressed my so much. Damm snob! Anyway, it turns out that by the end of our Senior year, she was pregnant, she had the baby, and had adopted her out. I smiled all night. (I know, sorry) She had never married, and was having a hard life. Good old Karma!

The whole night was a wonderful event, it’s a great privilege to see how my old mates had turned from awkward teenagers to loving mature women who loved their families, had continued their studies, and had coped with whatever life through to them.

Some women had disabled children, kids who were severe epileptic, cancer, marriage break-ups and so on. One of the saddest stories I heard was that of Julie, who hanged herself last year after her marriage broke up. She was a rock during school, what happened for her to take her own life? And hanging? Wow.

During the night as we all give our own speech and recollections “Let Pat speak first” they all shout, (who? Me?) and so I was first up on the floor, giving my version of life at boarding school. Later, a group of three elite “day-girls” come up to me and ask when I boarded? For 2 Terms in Year 11, I say. They didn’t even know. This all-embracing school, with no friendship cliques. Right!

One girl, Fiona, asks me if I put Vegemite on the black toilet seats. I burst out laughing, and admit it was me. I then stand up and ask all the Boarders who were there to put their hands up. About 1/3 of the room raise their right arms. “I am also sorry about the silver glitter I put in your shower-caps,” I say sheepishly. The room is in uproar with laughing.

Ah, the memories are coming back now.

It was a great night, really great. I am so glad to have been there. Bring on the next one!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Oh my goodness, I had forgotten I had a perm then in Senior. *blush. (last pic I promise!)

Here's my last 're-found' pic at School, you can tell it's an all-girls school - a lady wouldn't sit like this if there were boys around. *cough

Yes we ARE in the Grand Final...They said we had no chance..."They" are now eating their words. GO THE COWBOYS Posted by Picasa

Reminising over old Senior photos, cleverly laminated with both classes (one each side)

Us mob, this time with me in it! :)

Sunday, September 25, 2005

It's good to have old friends, thanks Ann!

Our 20th Reunuion. Can you spot me? (*hint, look for a blue shirt)

All good! Not only survived, but thoroughly enjoyed myself! *grins madly

Saturday, September 24, 2005


Just been looking at the Snope site
it states that the National Geographic Magazine of October 2004
forecast the flooding of New Orleans.
If they knew about it then why so many lives and so much damage?????

They Did It

The Swans 2005 AFL Champs

Read our friend Leighs personal Hurrican Rita Blog. Updated regularly!

Looks like Rita has crossed between New Orleans and Housten.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Taneeka R.I.P.

White Doves were
released as we said
goodbye today

Dinnertime for hungry babies

The potential impact from Rita is huge. Not only is it one of the strongest hurricanes ever in the Atlantic Basin, it is also moving toward northeastern Texas, a highly populated area. Evacuation of the people who were displaced to eastern Texas by Katrina has already occurred and now the residents of this region themselves are streaming away from the coast. Katrina caused quite a bit of damage to the oil producing and refining capacity along the central Gulf coast and now Rita is poised to cause similar damage to the oil production and refining capacity around the western Gulf. As Rita storms ashore, it will be accompanied by winds of 130 to 150 mph with a storm surge of 18-24 feet. This will cause incredible damage, similar to what we saw from Katrina in southern Mississippi.


Babe birds of a feather, stick together...


For his birthday, Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you tell mum you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Sounds Double Dutch

Now this seems double dutch, but i got a flyer in the mail from my state mp and the local council about a joint initiative to conserve water and to outline what level 2 water restrictions mean. Now one of the things listed about what we the consumer can do ourselves to conserve water read like this, "Have you ever considered installing a rain water tank". Now this is the double dutch bit. " If I did install one, how would I fill it with rain water when theirs no rain" No rain or very little of it is why these restrictions are being enforced.

I'm Suing my Barber

Look what they did to me they cut a big chunk of hair out. They reckon it was already not there shall we say, I'm not game to say the "b" word.

What a day!

Got my socks and my locks cut off


Three friends check into a motel for the night and the clerk tells them the bill is $30, payable in advance. So, they each pay the clerk $10 and go to their room. A few minutes later, the clerk realizes he has made an error and overcharged the trio by $5. He asks the bellhop to return $5 to the 3 friends who had just checked in. The bellhop sees this as an opportunity to make $2 as he reasons that the three friends would have a tough time dividing $5 evenly among them; so he decides to tell them that the clerk made a mistake of only $3, giving a dollar back to each of the friends. He pockets the leftover $2 and goes home for the day! Now, each of the three friends gets a dollar back, thus they each paid $9 for the room which is a total of $27 for the night. We know the bellhop pocketed $2 and adding that to the $27, you get $29, not $30 which was originally spent. Where did the other dollar go????


What has 4 legs and flies ????


When does an elephant have 8 legs ?

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

My Bear sees this picture and exclaims MUM! You haven't changed at all. Bless him Lord. :) *mad grin

Riddle No.3

A woman has 7 children, half of them are boys.How can this be possible?

Keep checking back to see the answer

Riddle No.2

A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is a lie."Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?

Keep checking back for the answer

Riddle No. 1

How many letters are in the alphabet?

Unsure, keep checking back for the answer

Welcome Little one, may you all find happiness and good wings.

No Fuel Day 22nd Sept.

National Fuel Boycott here
in OZ Thursday 22nd Sept


Prior to my graduation from the Police College it was necessary for all recruits to write an article about something to do with the training period at the Training School. While preparing my family history I came across my attempt, which i thought you may share a 'giggle' at.- enjoy K


We have been told over the years that there is a Pole situated at the top of the world. The North Pole has always been a place of interest and wonderment to me. I know it is always cold, usually covered in snow and inhabited by polar bears, penguins, Eskimos, the occasional explorer and nuclear submarines. The word "pole", according to the Little Oxford Dictionary means - A long slender, rounded piece of wood used as a support for scaffolding, tent, etc., flagstaff.

What could possibly be the purpose of having a long slender, rounded piece of wood situated in such a cold, bleak place? Could it be a support for some extra long-term building project? Was it to support some ancient explorer's tent while he traipsed through the snow looking for something else besides snow, or was it used by early man to fly his sabre toothed tiger skin ensign in claim to the frozen dominion which he was claiming for his ancient monarch? Or, was the pole used by the ancient Eskimo’s to support their washing lines? This would have to be quite large and strong to carry the weight of their sealskin clothes; the long winters which they have there must create problems for the Eskimo housewife in drying her polar bearskin underwear. It could be an early attempt to establish an Omega Base, or for Eskimo students to brandish their banners on while they lay in the snow in bleak protest.

I tend to waver towards this theory because I have heard that the Pole is used even today for navigation. I have heard that it is magnetic, which also could contain some logic as there have been reports of submarines surfacing at the Pole. Could they have been coasting along among the denizens of the deep, accidentally put out of gear, and the next thing, "Bingo" they are at the Pole, drawn there by some powerful magnet? This tends to add another doubt to my mind. Does the Pole extend under all those frozen fields of snow, through the depths of the ocean, the core of the earth and penetrate back through the depths of the oceans, the fields of snow, and come out at the other end? Even the New Zealanders, Americans, Russians, English and Australians are to be found rooting round in the ice and snow at the South Pole. Are they looking for the other end of this pole?

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be without our North Pole. Where on earth would north be? Where would the Eskimos live? They would have to emigrate and life could be most uncomfortable for them. Can you ever imagine what it would be like for them to be living in the tropics, having to climb coconut trees with all those fur skin clothes on? Mind you, Mrs Eskimo wouldn't have any problems in drying her furry underwear, but she would have one hell of a time trying to keep her igloo together.

As I leave the confines of the Police Training School at Trentham and see the flagpole receding in the distance, I cannot help but think of that lone pole in the far bleak, cold and wintery north.


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Give Up ?

Anyone got a light ? lol

Annual work AGM........................I am flying to Sydney tomorrow for our *cough, annual meeting. This year it is up the cold Blue mountains at a place called Silvermere Guesthouse Guess we will have to rough it for a few days....They better have the log fire going...Is this called camping? Posted by Picasa

C'mon little one and hatch!

Wanna buy a house?

Only cost you $700,000
Situated in Beautiful Brookwater
5% off for Pattycam Watchers


Is it a plane is it a bird ?

It's a Bird, lol