Friday, October 31, 2008

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - TAPS

Taps is this week's challenge, drinking taps, bath taps, garden taps, in your home. Get cracking peoples!

Kiba my dog

While playing with keys for the challange I did this one with my dog...little bit of photo shopping is involved

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - WINNER

From my neice.

Okay it was a toss up between you & Paul, I really like your one with the 21st birthday key because it is a different take on 'an everyday object', and it shows some history behind it, but I think the winner will have to be Paul, I love the shine on his keys, it feels sort of christmassy with the gold colours and I love that its not quite in focus, so you can't immediately say 'oh that's just a set of keys' you have to look into the photo a bit more to see what is behind it.

And I think he has been really clever positioning his name tag thingie on it to give it that personal touch whilst still just being a set of keys.

my key

This is my 21st key on a sunset picture frame i have at home

Some little funnies

What is butt dust? These have to be original and genuine - no adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. 'I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with he r mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face? The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust.' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) Leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Driver crashes $250,000 Ferrari into Adelaide power pole

TWO men who "turned the streets into a racetrack" escaped serious injury yesterday when their $250,000 Ferrari wrapped itself round a power pole.

The driver, in his 30s, and his passenger walked away from the wreckage and were treated in Royal Adelaide Hospital minor injuries after the crash in Walkerville, north Adelaide.

They left the five-year-old Ferrari Modena split in two by the pole.

Neighbours said the supercar crashed minutes after it went "zinging" past their homes. "I was outside my house talking and we heard something fly up and it was this black Ferrari," Vlado Blazeka said.

"It sounded just like, 'zing, zing', as it went past.

"The pole split the car in two and it's basically up where the gear stick should be."

Lana Errey rushed to help the two men after the accident happened 200m from her art gallery.

"It's like they turned the streets into a racetrack," she said.

Police investigating the accident have yet to interview the men.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

eamonns blog

eamonns blog


My keys, only have four, three for home and one for work, and my Aussie keyring, to take a bit of where my heart is, eveywhere with me!!

Etraordinary Photo Competition

I love my keys, don't know what i would do without them. I have keys on my keyring that i don't know what they are for. I have keyys from cars i have owned to places i have lived. Once a key gets put on my ring then its there for life, literally.


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This person may not spell very well, but They know what they like!
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The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - KEYS

My car keys, with silver pearl shell (and small silver pearl inside) and my bling P.

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - KEYS

From Eamonn


We had quite a bit of snow today!!Cold Arctic wind, forecast for -2 tonight!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sue's Brunch and Photo Shoot

Being over 50...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run — anywhere.

04. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 p.m.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with lift music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative the same night.

Happy 50th Sue Sue

Happy birthday my darling girl, what a privilege to be with you and help celebrate your first 50 years, congrats mate. xxxxxxx

The Indy Winner, and me. *coughs

Just as we were booking out, hubby nudges me and tells me the bloke in the white t-shirt is the Indy Winner. "What's his name?" I hiss.

As he left, I call out "Hey *Scott!" and he truns with a big grin. "Congrats on winning mate, good to see it go to an Aussie" I gush, "Do you mind if I take a photo?"

So being the good sport and polite young man he is, he obliges me.

Trend setter, not follower.

*ahem. Note, now I am confused as to whether he is Ryan or Scott, any ideas?


Some of these letter images drive me nuts, I am flat out working out what they are.....I wouldn't have said mated, but I know how I feel some days.

With all due respect - spam



I was privileged to capture your names from the Internet. My name is Michael M. Mbeki, a legal practitioner and the personal Attorney to my late client who died along with his wife and his two sons and one daughter on a ghastly motor accident over 3 years now August 13, 2004. All the occupants in the vehicle lost their lives. I am convinced that it was the grace of God that made me to locate you. My client was a successful and accomplished family man, who made enough fortune before his untimely death.

Since then I had made several inquiries through your Embassy to locate any of my clients extended relative but this exercise has proved unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives through the Internet to locate any member of his family but much progress was not recorded. My late client was an influential wealthy businessman, an oil magnate here in London , UK and he left behind a deposit of Ten Million Two Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds only GBP10,200,000.00 in his bank account with CUMBERLAND BUILDING SOCIETY UK here in London-United Kingdom . After the death of my client his bankers contacted me as his Attorney to provide his next of kin who should inherit his fortune.

The board of directors of his bank adopted a resolution and I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the payment of this money within 28 working days or forfeit the money to the bank as an abandoned property.

The bankers had planned to invoke the abandoned property decree of 1996 to confiscate the funds after the expiration of the period given to me. Despairing at the point of exhaustiveness, fortunately I came across your name to my utmost amazement I discovered that you bear the same surname with my late client and coincidentally you are nationals of the same country.

I am Convinced that you may be linked with my late client or that you might provide clue to my search, I therefore, decided to contact with these facts before me because of the similarities. By virtue of my closeness to the deceased and his immediate family, I am very much aware of my client financial standing and the bank account he operates.
I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as the next of kin of my deceased client so that you can be paid the funds left in his bank account hence I contacted you.

I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the Deceased since you are at an advantage, so that the proceeds of this Bank Account valued at GBP10.2m can be paid to you.

We shall both share the funds 50% to me and 50% to you. I shall assemble all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up our claim.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. Please get in touch with me by email: to enable us discuss further.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge

KEYS, house, heart, any kind of key

Love you Brisbane

From Patty's camera shopped in miniature by me

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge

This weeks winner is Lori for her lovely pear. I thought there may have been a mango or passion fruit.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Marine Pilots

New Glasses

Which to choose, argh! Green and purple *swoon, but what else do they go with? Or purple, *ditto, or red. *always have my red lips, so red it is. Whew.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Photo Competition

Grapes ripening on the vine....
Swan Valley, WA

More of Suzie

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - FRUIT

Huge Storm, ekkkkkk!

New Stock Market Terms

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A person whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past week investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use


The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - FRUIT


Good day,

I know this proposal will come to you as a surprise especially when you do not know the writer, considering the huge sum of money involved which could make any apprehensive. Let me start by introducing myself to you.

I am Susan Van, I work in the accounting department of a Finance house, here in Europe. I saw your contact during my private search at the information center,I want to believe that you will be very honest, committed and capable of assisting in this business venture.

It is based on this that I am contacting you to stand as the next-of-kin a late client of the Finance House so that estate will be released and paid to you as the beneficiary and the next-of-kin to the deceased. All documents, and proof to enable you get the funds have been carefully worked out as we have secured from the different offices concerned for the smooth transfer of the fund to you.

If this proposal satisfies you, please respond to me with the following information.


I await your urgent response, all the best and God bless you.


Susan Van

My Friend Sue

Monday, October 20, 2008


Hi my new friend!
My name is Tanya I hope my letter will find you in good mood.
II for the first time try such way of dialogue, and I really do not know what to tell right now even that I understand that this first message is of great importance.
But I have decided to write to you and maybe you will answer. I sincerely hope that you are looking for the same as I. Once upon a time, the loneliness has come into my home and since then does not want to let me off. I freeze from loneliness. Every evening I look at a sundown and I try to absorb all warmth of day, up to last drop. I am looking for a partner in life to share simple pleasures and together take off from the soul the weariness and sadness given. I am looking for a man to become friends first of all and to go together along the road of life, to have common joy, together enjoy autumn magnificence, together the future. I do not know if it is really possible to find it in such a way. But I know that many people not been able to find happiness in the usual life, have found happiness in this way. I am happy where I now, and my life is a good life, but happiness has no sense if you cannot share it with person dear to you. I could not find here a man who will make me blossom like flower. That is why I took this courageous for me step. As speak, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. To tell about itself briefly is impossibly, therefore I will not try to do it now. I will wait for your letter and if you are really serious in your search, maybe we will find interest in each other. Neither of us knows to where this path will lead but I am willing to walk it and see where it takes us. I tried to put my picture in my profile, but I understand nothing in computers and I did something wrong. But I will send my picture through e-mail if you will answer me.

Please reply only my personal e-mail

What did we learn from this weekend?

I learned that I am not to do any housework whilst my hubby is home, this particularly relates to mopping the floors.

I have learned that I am fat, lazy, impatient and hard to live with. Oh well, my bad.

I have learned that my hubby can actually thread a needle and sew on two buttons. *claps.

I have learned that I love Mondays.

New Awards

You've been waiting for them, so without further ado here are the 2008 f`wit Awards.

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up! and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rou nds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'


Saturday, October 18, 2008

Fruit Photo Entry

Gives new meaning to "things going pear shaped", huh?

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photographic Competition

This weeks topic is FRUIT have fun with it. remember only one picture or it gets to hard to judge.

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photographic Competition

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Last nights storm

EKKKKKKK!! Blackout for 3 hours. Charlie curls into a fetal position and stays there, stunned he won't see House on tv. The candles are already lit, so darkness isn't a problem, it's the conversation, and lack of it. Both Bear and his dad plot a plan to drive to Doc's and watch his tv, as he still has power.

They hadn't visited for the past year, but will risk going out in a storm tonight, with lighting still lashing the city, in order to watch a television show. ha! They end up going to bed, and indeed we are all sound asleep when things begin to flash, buzz and ping; the lights are back on. Wearily we all stumble toward the blue light of the tv, like drunken moths.

I manage to persuade hubby to tape my upcoming show, The Apprentice, as I haven't a chance to sit up and watch it, tiredness has overtaken me.

We sleep like dead men all night.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photographic Competition

This is my little coffee mug, from Harrods, well, I had to buy something while I was there.

Investment Advice.

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in the new year:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner, Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally ...
9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang

Investment Advice.

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in the new year:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner, Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally ...
9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: TittyTittyBangBang

First NASTY storm of the season - ekk!

At least it might rain over Wivenhoe Dam.

Body of lies
Synopsis” Body of Lies" is based on "Washington Post" columnist David Ignatius' 2007 novel about a CIA operative, Roger Ferris, who uncovers a lead on a major terrorist leader suspected to be operating out of Jordan. When Ferris devises a plan to infiltrate his network, he must first win the backing of cunning CIA veteran Ed Hoffman and the collegial, but perhaps suspect, head of Jordanian intelligence. Although ostensibly his allies, Ferris questions how far he can really trust these men without putting his entire operation--and his life--on the line.

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, Vince Colosimo, Clara Khoury, Jameel Khoury, Oscar Isaac, Mark Strong, Golshifte Farahani, Simon McBurney, Ali Suliman director: Ridley Scott

This movie started off well and I had high hopes of watching Crowe and DiCaprio on the big screen doing what they do best. Unfortunatly this was not to be. An over weight (they say he put the extra kilos on for the movie) Crowe was not at his best. DiCaprio was fairly good but not brillant. One surprise was another Aussie actor Vince Colosimo (from Underbelly,Alphonse Gangitano ) in what I think was his first Hollywood movie.
My rating out of five stars is two and a half. Wait for it on DVD

Mugs - Mr Loobyloo's entry

Mr Loobyloo's entry - not quite a self portrait.....!!
P.S. He asks if he could be known to you all as his internet name....."Silverback" ....yep, as in gorilla... long story will fill you in sometime soon!!!


My mug cupboard - 1/3 empty too!!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Don't say a word! NOT a bloody word!

Received this in the mail today, it's a catalogue of new handbags (hilarious as I haven't used a handbag for the past 21 years) but I did buy a couple of matching ones for my sisters, for last Xmas. I was so impressed I struck up a conversation with the young stall owner (I know, Miss Haveachat)and I must have put my name down to receive fruther news and updates.


*So it's taken off my own writing.


Bucket List

What's your bucket list? What are the things that will fil you with regret by not doing them, when you pass.

Write it down. It might be a few things, it might go two pages, it doesn't matter.

You don't have to show anyone...but it might clarify things in your mind?

Start your list!

My Family history

Surname: Wharby
This interesting and unusual name has two possible sources, each with its own distinct history and derivation.

Firstly, the surname may be of Old French origin, and an occupational name for a forester, introduced into England after the Norman Conquest of 1066. The derivation is from the Anglo-Norman and Old French "warde(r)", to guard, and "bois", wood.

Secondly, the surname may be of Old Scandinavian origin, and a variant of the locational name Warboys, from the place so called in the former county of Huntingdonshire, now part of Cambridgeshire, and a parish in the diocese of Ely.
The placename is recorded in the Saxon Chartulary of 974 as "Wardebusc, Weardebusc", and is composed of the Old Norse elements "varthi", beacon, and "buski", brushwood, bushes.

Job-descriptive surnames originally denoted the actual occupation of the namebearer, and gradually became hereditary, while locational surnames were used particularly as a means of identification by those who left their birthplace to settle elsewhere.

The modern forms of the surname from either source include, Warboy(s), Worboy(s), Warb(e)y(s) and Wharby, and some early examples are Warbye (1569); Warby (1575); Warbie (1633); and Warebe (1634). Among the recordings of the name in Church Registers is the marriage of Anne Warby and John Crouchley at St. Dunstan in the East, London, on October 16th 1575. The first recorded spelling of the family name is shown to be that of Richard Wardebois, which was dated 1207, in the "Pipe Rolls of Staffordshire", during the reign of King John, known as "Lackland", 1199 - 1216.

Surnames became necessary when governments introduced personal taxation. In England this was known as Poll Tax. Throughout the centuries, surnames in every country have continued to "develop" often leading to astonishing variants of the original spelling.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Peter's newest (and only) tattoo

My School Gala Dinner

cups or pigs haming it up?

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The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - CUPS/MUGS

My cups always have lipstick on them. :)

A Message from your Queen

A Message From Your Queen!

To the citizens of the United States of America
from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July the 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

How NOT to be a photo skank on Facebook

Ladies, here's a little tip from an old girl like me. Skanky Facebook girls are a dime a dozen, make sure you keep a tiny bit of your life private. Please.

Rules of Facebook:
1. Try not to be photographed with your mouth wide open. This simply tells us that you haven't been to your dentist in a quite a while.
2. If your nifty new digital camera has automatic focus, then use it. It's there for a reason.
3. Ditto if your camera software can remove red eyes, it's not such a great look, really.
4. If you must sit on the floor to be photographed because you are unfit to stand, don't shoot either up your nose, or up your legs. Nasty.
5. If you are going to take your own photo with your best friend, then don't be a camera hog and take up most of the frame.
6. Always check your background before pressing the shutter button. Are there illegal drugs over there, behind you?
7. I am not sure of the logic of showing us your finer points of being drunk, dishrevelled and disorderley. Was there a point?
8. Try to respect yourself just a little bit - and not upload anything you might look back in 5 years time and shudder. Make that 2 weeks time.
9. Sitting on the toilet doing your business, is your business, what makes you think we would want to see you like that? What were you thinking?
10. Unless you do this all the time in your everyday normal life, please stop kissing the same sex, especially if you are straight, argh. This also applies to men.
11. Learn to use your self-timer if you must insist on taking your own photograph, that was we don't get to see your outstretched arm, every single time.
12. When photographing a group of girls at a mirror, turn your flash off. And make sure you are fully dressed.
13. Are you really sure you want your photo of you making out on the couch shown on facebook?
14. And did you have to Tag him? Ask first, he might be embarressed.
15. Unless you want to walk around with a cricked neck, make sure you turn your image around, not leave it sideways.
16. Learn to delete, and edit. Delete. And edit.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Bandidos ride into town

THE Bandidos bikie gang will visit their Sunshine clubhouse tonight for a strip show and heavy boozing after their blazing run into Melbourne's CBD yesterday.

Bikies in leather jackets and full colours took over the roads, blocking the Princes Freeway under a police escort.

Eight motorcycles, two four-wheel drives, one unmarked car and the police helicopter were among the resources poured into the VIP escort.

The Herald Sun yesterday revealed police anger at having to clear a path for the gang.
Police Association legal manager Sen-Sgt Greg Davies said the bikies weren't saints.

"They haven't come to town for a cup of tea and an Iced Vo Vo," he said.
He urged those partying in the city over the warm weekend to keep a cool head.

"Taking on one or more of these people is not the way to make a name for yourself.

"It is bound to end in tears. Leave that to the police."
"This is purportedly a family event and they are not looking for trouble from police, and they won't be actively visible around the city other than the functions they are going to have," he said.

"If they breach in the first minute they know we will take a different course."

The Extraordinary Ordinary Photo Challenge - CUPS/MUGS

Eammon, - happy bday cups!