Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Green side up!
A woman wants the inside of her house painted. She calls a contractor in to help her.
They wander around the house and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral color... beige, very soft and warm."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed, but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room, I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells, "Green side up"
The woman is even more perplexed, but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up!"
This is too much, the woman thinks to herself and decides she just has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up'. What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says... "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."
They wander around the house and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral color... beige, very soft and warm."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed, but she lets it slide. They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room, I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells, "Green side up"
The woman is even more perplexed, but still lets it slide. They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up!"
This is too much, the woman thinks to herself and decides she just has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up'. What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says... "I have four blondes laying sod across the street."
Friday, February 24, 2006
I just post them lol
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last...Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?""Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?
"We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!", so I bought her an electric chair
"My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off..
.She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?""Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?
"We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!", so I bought her an electric chair
"My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off..
.She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
joke
A quote on marriageThere was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
More Jokes
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'
"The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur. Be careful.
days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to
Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'
"The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
murmur. Be careful.
Joke
A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.
It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.
It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Roger
Roger looking very fit, notice how he has lost some weight. It's been a year this coming Tuesday since his heart attack, and we will be in Melbourne, and he will be in Paupa New Guinea. Oh dear! Congrats Roger for giving life another go. hugs always... Your mate Patty
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Unbelievable, but true
23feb06
POLICE have been called to a local waterway at Cromer in Sydney's northern beaches area after receiving reports of a crocodile on the loose.
Police said staff from the Australian Reptile Park believed the reptile to be a Johnson's crocodile, about 50 to 60cm in length.
The Johnson's freshwater crocodile, native to northern Australia, can grow up to three metres, and is not known to attack people, but is still regarded as dangerous.
The beast may have got as far south as it did via the sewerage systems that dot along the eastern coastline.
The creature is reportedly eating carp in a natural spring in an industrial unit block on South Creek Road.
Police are working with Australian Reptile Park staff and hope to capture the crocodile tonight.
Once captured, the reptile will be placed in a suitable animal park.
POLICE have been called to a local waterway at Cromer in Sydney's northern beaches area after receiving reports of a crocodile on the loose.
Police said staff from the Australian Reptile Park believed the reptile to be a Johnson's crocodile, about 50 to 60cm in length.
The Johnson's freshwater crocodile, native to northern Australia, can grow up to three metres, and is not known to attack people, but is still regarded as dangerous.
The beast may have got as far south as it did via the sewerage systems that dot along the eastern coastline.
The creature is reportedly eating carp in a natural spring in an industrial unit block on South Creek Road.
Police are working with Australian Reptile Park staff and hope to capture the crocodile tonight.
Once captured, the reptile will be placed in a suitable animal park.
Think
Pearls Of Wisdom
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and will never achieve its full potential, that one word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife!
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and will never achieve its full potential, that one word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife!
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
Your friends love you anyway.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Driving Lessons
Funny how a sentence or a line can make you think back. I remember 30 something years ago I was learning to drive this was back when you went to the local police station to take your test, written and practical test.
It took me several times to get mine, I'm not going to go in on how many lol.
Mum was the sole driving instructor for all us kids.
My first test I failed trying to navigate around the big roundabout in Beenliegh.
The second time I failed was after I went thru a pedestrian crossing and nearly bowled someone over. There were a few other times like turning up for another test in Mums Datsun 180B and being failed even before I got in the car, as the driving inspector noticed Mums car rego had expired at midnight on the same day of the test.
But I did finally get my licence in the end.
I think they took pity in me lol
Your turn to share your learning-to-drive-experiences!
It took me several times to get mine, I'm not going to go in on how many lol.
Mum was the sole driving instructor for all us kids.
My first test I failed trying to navigate around the big roundabout in Beenliegh.
The second time I failed was after I went thru a pedestrian crossing and nearly bowled someone over. There were a few other times like turning up for another test in Mums Datsun 180B and being failed even before I got in the car, as the driving inspector noticed Mums car rego had expired at midnight on the same day of the test.
But I did finally get my licence in the end.
I think they took pity in me lol
Your turn to share your learning-to-drive-experiences!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Marriage
A man and a woman, who have never met before, but who are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a totally booked transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At around 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea", she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.
"Wow, that's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"Good", she replied. "Get your own blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At around 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea", she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.
"Wow, that's a great idea!", he exclaimed.
"Good", she replied. "Get your own blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
My absence note to the teacher
Sorry I've not been around much lately. Been working my bum off (lucky for me, I've got plenty of bum, eh??) Ambulance life is very very interesting!!!
Monday, February 20, 2006
Church Sign
So I am driving down the road, when I glance up to read the local church sign. I enjoy the wit and brevity they sometimes offer, and last weeks was a beauty.
"I will be with you till the end of the world" and it made me tear up…the timeless reassurance of a loving God. It doesn’t matter what you believe in, as long as you have faith and believe something! My God is a personal God, shapeless and formless, a God of love and understanding and tolerance and forgiveness.
Today, in the heavy morning traffic, thinking about my father's impending 2nd anniversary of his death, the sign says...
"Do not be afraid, I am always with you."
It was such a jolt, perhaps a voice from the grave, it made me burst into floods of tears. I sit outside the bank, sobbing, and trying to get a grip on my emotions.
"I will be with you till the end of the world" and it made me tear up…the timeless reassurance of a loving God. It doesn’t matter what you believe in, as long as you have faith and believe something! My God is a personal God, shapeless and formless, a God of love and understanding and tolerance and forgiveness.
Today, in the heavy morning traffic, thinking about my father's impending 2nd anniversary of his death, the sign says...
"Do not be afraid, I am always with you."
It was such a jolt, perhaps a voice from the grave, it made me burst into floods of tears. I sit outside the bank, sobbing, and trying to get a grip on my emotions.
NEW ORLEANS -- The crowds were small but they were enthusiastic.
The streets of New Orleans were filled Saturday with marching bands, brightly decorated floats and flying plastic beads.
Five Mardi Gras parades rolled back-to-back under cloudy damp skies through neighborhoods left mostly unscathed by Hurricane Katrina. Many of the residents who turned out said Mardi Gras is an important part of the city's heritage
Universal Orlando has constructed a replica of the French Quarter that covers three city blocks.
In St. Louis, they've changed the name of the popular "hurricane" cocktail to Southern Comfort punch out of respect for storm victims.
(sorry, I think this is too sily for words, it's not like hurricans have never killed anyone before in New Orleans, and of course they have caused flooding before and loss-of-life, that's why the drink is a toe-curler and you drink it to gain power and control, (funny, hubby lost his control, lol))
Patty
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Saturday, February 18, 2006
kalvic
I see it. but can it be true?The 78-year-old lawyer, who was to leave hospital overnight, said he was "deeply sorry for all Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this week.""Accidents do and will happen and that's what happened," he said.
"We hope that he will continue to come to Texas and seek the relaxation that he deserves." kalvic
"We hope that he will continue to come to Texas and seek the relaxation that he deserves." kalvic
Literary quotes
I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." Winston
Churchill (about Clement Atlee)
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
Stephen Bishop
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." Winston
Churchill (about Clement Atlee)
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
Joke
A man approached a lovely young lady at the bar, "May I buy you a cocktail?"
She answered, "No, thank you. Alcohol is bad for my legs."
He replied, "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" he said,
"No, they open!"
She answered, "No, thank you. Alcohol is bad for my legs."
He replied, "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" he said,
"No, they open!"
Friday, February 17, 2006
The Shot
This is the up close shot i've been waiting to take, was hoping for a full body shot but beggars cant be choosers
Logic or Not
Now this defies logic. I received some junk mail today from this company selling rain water tanks. It read "Dear Mr Martin" I'm assuming BBC sold my name and address to them on some database. Anyway the crux of the advert read, " Did you know that level 3 water restrictions may come into effect in the very near future, due to Brisbanes lack of rainfall ? It's important we all in these trying days need to be able to conserve water and one way this can be acheived is to install a rainwater tank on your property. You may qualify for a rates subsidy from the Brisbane City Council if you were to do so. One of our trained consultants can visit you to discuss your needs" etc, ect... Now this is the bit that defies logic, how can i conserve water if we have no rain how will it fill up?
Doctor Doctor!
Subject:* Medical Examinations
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch".
The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." (my favourite!)
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.! I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!...............
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,"I'msorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
Blogged on behalf of Gary
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch".
The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." (my favourite!)
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.! I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!...............
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,"I'msorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
Blogged on behalf of Gary
New Specs
Bloody Optometrist had the cheek to say I may need bi focals in 12 months, whats next a walking stick and pipe geeeeeeeeeez
The Sydney Opera House concert hall was transformed into a boisterous cricket concourse today as mourners paid tribute to Kerry Packer with a rousing version of "C'mon Aussie, C'mon".
One-day cricket's iconic anthem was belted out by the song's writer Allan Johnson and the 2000-strong crowd of mourners in honour of the man Richie Benaud called "a true cricket lover".
Frank Sinatra's 'My Way,' a song especially beloved by Mr Packer, was introduced by master of ceremonies Allan Jones and was soundtrack to a montage of private images from Mr Packer's family.
After Mr Jones signed off the service with a sporting analogy � "The innings was too short, but the worth a lot of runs" � guests left the Sydney Opera House to another Packer favourite, 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers.
He was a sentimental bloke. He lived a full Australian life, and I think he'd be very happy with that. He was a larrikin, but he was also a gentleman, and that's a dual description I think any Australian man would be very proud to have.
Patty
First of the season.
This is the first flower to grace our garden this year. I think this is a lovely plant. This is only its second year, and it has so many buds on it.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
The Power of Positive Thinking
I'm conducting an experiment into the powers of positive thinking. if you wish to partake and make a grown man happy then please tune in to the Gold Lotto Draw this Saturday the 18th of Feb. on the 7 Network, check local times in your TV guide and channel your mind to think and say to yourself the following 3 things. " BRISPAUL" " $19 MILLION " " WIN ".
I shall let you know what the results of this experiment of national importance were on Monday 20th february. Fingers Crossed
"Valentine"
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a poem with the
most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.
Here are some of the entries they received:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so
are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the
sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.
Here are some of the entries they received:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so
are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the
sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Life is a Do-It-Yourself Project
Life is a Do-It-Yourself Project
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family.
He would miss the paycheck, but he wanted to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.
When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.
So it is with us. If we build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built.
If we had realized that we would have done it differently.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall.
Build wisely.
It is the only life you will ever build.
Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.
The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."
Your attitudes and the choices you make today will be your life tomorrow, build it wisely.
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family.
He would miss the paycheck, but he wanted to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.
When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.
So it is with us. If we build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built.
If we had realized that we would have done it differently.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall.
Build wisely.
It is the only life you will ever build.
Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.
The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."
Your attitudes and the choices you make today will be your life tomorrow, build it wisely.
Mickey mouse
Mickey Mouse:Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fucking Goofy."
He was supposed to win and he did. Dale Begg-Smith, Canadian by birth but Australian by passport, 21 years of age on January 18, was the number one favourite for the Moguls event.
A beautiful yet difficult role to bear, when everyone is waiting for you round the corner and is ready to pick the slightest fault. On the contrary, this big boy, who had had the door slammed in his face by the Canadian federation a few years ago, displayed an excellent performance, nearing perfection.
Patty
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Irish thinking
Hows this for Irish thinking, Mums away overseas as you all know, so I drop her off at the airport to board her plane last week. So I say "Mum when are you coming home". Because I need to know when to go and collect her from the baggage thingy at the airport. " the flight details are stuck on the side of the fridge" she says. So last night when I thought of it I said to myself I better have a look. The hand written note stuck to the side of the fridge says and I quote " Flight 758 depart 10.30 arrive home Flight 756 3.30" unquote. Now how the hell does that help me I still dont know what particular day of the week or if its morning or night. Thats the irish in Mum she knows what she means so everyone else should think along the same lines. Mothers what would we do without them. lol
Volvo Ocean Race
Volvo Round-the-world Yacht Race: With the race underway and the boats at sea, select your favourite team from the menu to find all the latest news. Every email that describes life aboard, the most exciting video clips; it will all be here, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Check out the personal stories from each crew as they get to grips with life aboard some of the fastest, toughest, wettest sailing boats invented by man. Surprisingly, they all seem to enjoy the life. More here
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Joke
Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.
One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.
One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."
God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."
"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish", God said. "I will give you the power to gaze into hell."
So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell.
Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.
The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that bad."
God explained. "Things are not always as they seem.The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't!
Blogged on behalf of Gary
As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.
One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.
One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."
God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."
"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."
"You can see him if you wish", God said. "I will give you the power to gaze into hell."
So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell.
Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.
The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that bad."
God explained. "Things are not always as they seem.The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't!
Blogged on behalf of Gary
On the Gold Coast yesterday, swimmers and surfers continued to dice with danger as packs of sharks chased a moving feast of baitfish along the shoreline.
For the third day in a row, the surf churned with thrashing sharks gorging on huge schools of pilchards and other fish. Lifeguards closed Surfers Paradise and surrounding beaches several times during the day but some swimmers and boardriders still tempted fate, venturing within metres of the baitfish schools.
Only minutes after lifeguards re-opened a southern Surfers Paradise beach after the morning's second shark scare, beachgoers including Swedish tourist Lotta Ermaklint had no qualms about going for a swim with her friend's three-year-old daughter, Tea Kaberg. "It's quite exciting and exotic," Ms Ermarklint said of the shark invasion.
"This is what I came to Australia for so I'm not worried."
Newly-arrived New Zealander Scott Whiting, 22, was similarly unfazed.
"It's a bit of fun � we certainly don't see stuff like this back home," he said.
Patty
Monday, February 13, 2006
Bali Nine accused Renae Lawrence was convicted and sentenced to life in prison on Monday for attempting to smuggle heroin to Australia.
The Denpasar District Court handed down the life term despite a call by prosecutors to sentence her to 20 years.
Monday's verdict was the first handed down by the court.
Patty
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