Typical girl, always changing clothes, er..bras
Patty
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Boom Boom
She was in the kitchen cooking the boiled eggs for breakfast.
He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"
She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment".
He, thinking it's his lucky day, bends her over the kitchen table and they have sex.
Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"
She says, "The egg timer's broken!"
He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"
She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment".
He, thinking it's his lucky day, bends her over the kitchen table and they have sex.
Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"
She says, "The egg timer's broken!"
Oprah
God I am so bored I started watching Oprah, and today there were two women bleating how they were “sex-addicts”.
Oh boo hoo, really?
One woman bleated how although she was a major in phycology and pre-med, she couldn’t stop sleeping with men because “it made her feel loved, if only for the moment”.
Pass the tissues. (Yet she had never experienced an orgasm yet) Better pass the whole box.
How many men had this poor woman slept with in the past three years? Yup. Only 25. Come on woman, that’s not even trying!!
So in 36 months, that’s is less than one man per month. Good grief. Some people will do anything to get their face on telly.
Oh boo hoo, really?
One woman bleated how although she was a major in phycology and pre-med, she couldn’t stop sleeping with men because “it made her feel loved, if only for the moment”.
Pass the tissues. (Yet she had never experienced an orgasm yet) Better pass the whole box.
How many men had this poor woman slept with in the past three years? Yup. Only 25. Come on woman, that’s not even trying!!
So in 36 months, that’s is less than one man per month. Good grief. Some people will do anything to get their face on telly.
As You Slide Down the Bannister of Life
AS YOU SLIDE DOWN THE BANNISTER OF LIFE
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss the ring on his finger.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13 Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Broke back Mountain is the first Western, where the good guys get it inthe end.
Pro Hart R.I.P.
The art world has lost a gifted painter and sculptor, but the people of Broken Hill have lost a friend and a local family have lost a much-loved father and husband.
At 2:45am on Tuesday, March 28 Kevin Charles Pro Hart passed away peacefully in his Broken Hill home, his five children and wife of 46 years at his side.
While Pro�s health had been declining for a number of years, his death comes just four months after he was diagnosed with Motor Neurone disease, a progressive fatal condition causing muscle wastage.
Born in 1928 in Broken Hill, Pro was raised on a nearby sheep station and returned to the Silver City to work as an underground miner. He claimed his art was a creative outlet that helped keep him sane during this time.
Pro�s work has been exhibited all over the world and some of the honours he's received include an MBE for his service to art in Australia and an Australian Citizen of the Year Award.
Patty
Monday, April 03, 2006
My place of Retirement
You can come visit me on the net or in person and watch the world go by on my porch
The things I do! Here I am interviewing someone from the Army about the new range of 4wd tanks they were exporting up north.
It was a wild ride through the streets of Brisbane South, often turned backwards (the thingy turned 360) as we raced alongside early morning traffic.
The looks on some of the drivers faces were priceless, you could see them mouth �what the!�
Patty
Beary
I kept Bear home today from school, for the first time in his 12 years as a student. :(
He has had a fever all weekend, and is emotionally wrecked a bit. Last Monday I took him the the local hosptial for a heart check-up, the doctor who will give him a clearance of good health for his Pilots License, suspects Bear may have a heart murmur. When we did the hour long tests (echo) the nurses were talking and chatting about a hole-in-the-heart, but wouldn't confirm or deny it.
So who knows what is going on in my darling sons chest?
Today, fingers crossed, we find out.
He has had a fever all weekend, and is emotionally wrecked a bit. Last Monday I took him the the local hosptial for a heart check-up, the doctor who will give him a clearance of good health for his Pilots License, suspects Bear may have a heart murmur. When we did the hour long tests (echo) the nurses were talking and chatting about a hole-in-the-heart, but wouldn't confirm or deny it.
So who knows what is going on in my darling sons chest?
Today, fingers crossed, we find out.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Singapore Flight
Me sitting on the Captains lap, with the QANTAS PR girl and crew, arriving at Brisbane after flying form Singapore on the first flight. See Message Board for details...here.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Imagination List
Imagination List
1. What color is the letter "S"?
2. What does happiness look like?
3. What color is today?
4. What does purple taste like?
5. What does your self-image sound like?
6. What texture is the color green?
7. What color is the smell of your favorite scent?
8. What does love look like?
9. What is your favorite sense?
10. What color is your favorite song?
11. What texture is your favorite scent?
12. What does winter sound like?
13. How old is the letter "P"?
14. How does the letter "M" feel?
15. What color is the fragrance of soap?
1. What color is the letter "S"?
2. What does happiness look like?
3. What color is today?
4. What does purple taste like?
5. What does your self-image sound like?
6. What texture is the color green?
7. What color is the smell of your favorite scent?
8. What does love look like?
9. What is your favorite sense?
10. What color is your favorite song?
11. What texture is your favorite scent?
12. What does winter sound like?
13. How old is the letter "P"?
14. How does the letter "M" feel?
15. What color is the fragrance of soap?
You could eat off the floor
I was cooking tea last night, Sheperds Pie, some Roast Potatoes and some Baked Beans, Heinz of course. So I took a frozen Sheps Pie out of the freezer and put it in the oven at the right tempeture as the instructions stated. Place in oven if frozen for 50 minutes, so I did.
Then me being the bright spark decided to use my microwave timer instead of the big oven timer on account I cant be bothered figuring out how to set it up, dont worry thats a long story. Then 30 minutes into the microwave being on but nothing inside it I hear this almighty bang. I open the microwave door to find the glass plate inside has cracked and bubbled due to the heat and time it was on for.
After that for the remaining time the Pie and Roast Potatoes had to cook I used my wrist watch, 20 minutes later it was time to take out the sheps Pie. Then as I was lifting it out of the oven to the dinner plate the bloody thing slipped out of my hands onto the kitchen floor.
Its after 8pm by this time and I'm starving by this time as you could imagine, so I pickup off the floor what I can salvage of the Pie. Its a good thing I washed the floor only a few hours earlier.
So the moral of the story is that you can eat of the floor if you had to.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
My first solo wedding shoot.......I was asked to be best man at my good friends wedding...He also wanted me to do the photos...what a choice....so I did the photos....400 of them, here is a couple...The brides mother left the grooms ring back in the hotel room so I lent them my ring...Is that "something borrowed"?....does that mean that I am part of their marriage?
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Pro Hart Dies
Tuesday Mar 28 06:46 AEDT
Outback artist Pro Hart has died at his Broken Hill home after battling motor neurone disease.
The 77-year-old was diagnosed with the debilitating disease that causes muscle wastage late last year but his condition began to fail last week.
His family decided to cease his medication on Friday and the legendary artist died at 2.45am (AEDT) Tuesday, Pro's family said in a statement.
Pro Hart became a household name for his unconventional and diverse art works - which at one time featured in a popular carpet-cleaning advertisement.
He was "a truly remarkable Australian and one that will be sadly missed", his family said in a statement.
Pro Hart is survived by his wife, Raylee, and their five children - John, Kym, Marie, Julie and David.
In 1976 Pro Hart was awarded an MBE for his services to art in Australia and in 1982 received an Honorary Life Membership of Society International Artistique for outstanding artistic achievement.
Pro Hart was a kind and generous man who left his mark on the town of Broken Hill, says its mayor, Ron Page.
Mr Page said he had been close to the legendary artist, who had a soft spot for people. "He was a fantastic person; if you went to see him one-on-one, he would talk to you all day," Mr Page told ABC radio. "He didn't like huge crowds but he really enjoyed people, really loved people. "Everyone will have a story to tell; how kind, how generous, and what a fantastic person Pro was."
Born and raised in Broken Hill, Pro went on to raise a family and build an art gallery there. "He loved our city and we loved him," Mr Page said. "He treated us with kindness and friendship, whether we were rich, poor, famous. When you went to see Pro, you were a person and he treated you with respect.
©AAP 2006
Outback artist Pro Hart has died at his Broken Hill home after battling motor neurone disease.
The 77-year-old was diagnosed with the debilitating disease that causes muscle wastage late last year but his condition began to fail last week.
His family decided to cease his medication on Friday and the legendary artist died at 2.45am (AEDT) Tuesday, Pro's family said in a statement.
Pro Hart became a household name for his unconventional and diverse art works - which at one time featured in a popular carpet-cleaning advertisement.
He was "a truly remarkable Australian and one that will be sadly missed", his family said in a statement.
Pro Hart is survived by his wife, Raylee, and their five children - John, Kym, Marie, Julie and David.
In 1976 Pro Hart was awarded an MBE for his services to art in Australia and in 1982 received an Honorary Life Membership of Society International Artistique for outstanding artistic achievement.
Pro Hart was a kind and generous man who left his mark on the town of Broken Hill, says its mayor, Ron Page.
Mr Page said he had been close to the legendary artist, who had a soft spot for people. "He was a fantastic person; if you went to see him one-on-one, he would talk to you all day," Mr Page told ABC radio. "He didn't like huge crowds but he really enjoyed people, really loved people. "Everyone will have a story to tell; how kind, how generous, and what a fantastic person Pro was."
Born and raised in Broken Hill, Pro went on to raise a family and build an art gallery there. "He loved our city and we loved him," Mr Page said. "He treated us with kindness and friendship, whether we were rich, poor, famous. When you went to see Pro, you were a person and he treated you with respect.
©AAP 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Commonwealth Games Closing Ceremony
What a bloody good ending, I had my doubts at the start but Dame Edna stole the show and and the Voice you did us proud Johnny Farnham. But whats with the Duck?
Friday, March 24, 2006
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Bob Marley
I'm playing the song of the moment to my birds, they seem to like it. They like a bit of music. I have a Rosella and I did have two little love birds, but one died yesterday (Wednesday) and I have no idea why, one of those things I suppose. So the other little love bird (his name is Nookie) is being pampered.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Bloody hell!
A major conservative American lobby group is set to unleash a campaign of protest against Australian tourism's "where the bloody hell are you?" TV advertisement.
The controversial commercial made has its US debut in front of 20 million American TV viewers and one influential group was not amused.
The American Family Association (AFA), which has more than two million members and leads campaigns against abortion and gay rights, was upset with the bikini-clad model Lara Bingle's use of "bloody" and "hell" in the ad's tagline.
AFA members are expected to bombard Tourism Australian with thousands of emails and phone calls in coming weeks to vent their feelings.
Members are also expected to boycott Australia as a holiday destination.
"I just feel pretty sure the typical American family who is watching TV with their children and they're exposed to this ad are going to be upset," AFA director of special projects, Randy Sharp, told AAP.
"I don't want my children to hear that phrase.
"It's a shocking phrase because we're not familiar with it.
"I guess they use it all the time in Australia, but it's a foreign language here so I think it'll have a negative impact rather than positive."
British TV authorities dropped a ban on the use of the word "bloody" after pressure from Australia, but now Canadian authorities are unhappy with the way the ad portrays beer drinking.
"When you think 'bloody' in America you think the red liquid that flows from human bodies which is usually a sign of some kind of violence," Sharp said.
The controversial commercial made has its US debut in front of 20 million American TV viewers and one influential group was not amused.
The American Family Association (AFA), which has more than two million members and leads campaigns against abortion and gay rights, was upset with the bikini-clad model Lara Bingle's use of "bloody" and "hell" in the ad's tagline.
AFA members are expected to bombard Tourism Australian with thousands of emails and phone calls in coming weeks to vent their feelings.
Members are also expected to boycott Australia as a holiday destination.
"I just feel pretty sure the typical American family who is watching TV with their children and they're exposed to this ad are going to be upset," AFA director of special projects, Randy Sharp, told AAP.
"I don't want my children to hear that phrase.
"It's a shocking phrase because we're not familiar with it.
"I guess they use it all the time in Australia, but it's a foreign language here so I think it'll have a negative impact rather than positive."
British TV authorities dropped a ban on the use of the word "bloody" after pressure from Australia, but now Canadian authorities are unhappy with the way the ad portrays beer drinking.
"When you think 'bloody' in America you think the red liquid that flows from human bodies which is usually a sign of some kind of violence," Sharp said.
Jokes
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag but you're a real sport too." and drives off.
***************************************************************
There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked.
I didn't even know she had a willy."
*************************************************
Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?"
Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her Doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag but you're a real sport too." and drives off.
***************************************************************
There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked.
I didn't even know she had a willy."
*************************************************
Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.
"Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?"
Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her Doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Policeman testifies in Court
Policeman testifies in Court
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....
Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."
Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."
Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."
Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do! "
Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."
Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."
Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."
The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....
Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."
Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."
Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."
Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do! "
Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."
Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."
Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."
The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
Sex in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft,wonderful and larger than a real one.She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'llexplain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft,wonderful and larger than a real one.She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'llexplain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Bananas won't be seenin Australia for the next 3 years, with 90% of the crop wiped out from Cyclone Larry. Whilst there will be a small remaining crop available, the prices will be like gold. Australia has definetly ruled out importing bananas (hurrah!) as the risk of disease is too great, so for now, I will look at my last two bananas. Sigh. Good luck and Bless the farmers.
Patty
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
