The colours of white #2
Patty
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Saturday, January 21, 2006
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice ....... "Shit, I missed."
The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."
The good Sister told him to watch his language.
On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."
"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.
The priest promised to do better and the round continued.
On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.
Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."
On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
And from the sky comes a booming voice ....... "Shit, I missed."
Joke
A blonde got home and told her husband, "Honey, I've got good news and bad news."
"Oh, oh," said her husband. "Let's hear the bad news first."
"The bad news is: I lost the gas cap to the car. I put it on the roof of the car, but then, after I filled up and drove away, it wasn't there. I searched everywhere but couldn't find it."
"That is bad news," said her husband. "So what's the good news?"
She replied, "Oh, the good news is: I found another gas cap that fits perfectly and is even better: it locks!"
"Oh, oh," said her husband. "Let's hear the bad news first."
"The bad news is: I lost the gas cap to the car. I put it on the roof of the car, but then, after I filled up and drove away, it wasn't there. I searched everywhere but couldn't find it."
"That is bad news," said her husband. "So what's the good news?"
She replied, "Oh, the good news is: I found another gas cap that fits perfectly and is even better: it locks!"
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Jokes
Two women met at a cocktail party. One said, "Isn't that a hideous man over there? He must be the most unattractive man I've ever seen!" The second icily replied, "That happens to be my husband!" "Oh, dear," said the first, "I'm so sorry." The unfortunate wife replied, "You're sorry?"
The judge frowned at the robber. "So you admit breaking into the same store on successive nights?" "Yes, your honor." "And why was that?" "Because my wife wanted a dress." The judge checked his records. "But it says here you broke in two nights in a row!" "Yes, sir. She made me exchange it!"
The judge frowned at the robber. "So you admit breaking into the same store on successive nights?" "Yes, your honor." "And why was that?" "Because my wife wanted a dress." The judge checked his records. "But it says here you broke in two nights in a row!" "Yes, sir. She made me exchange it!"
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Joke
A bum asked a man, "Can you give me ten bucks until payday?"
The man asked, "When's payday?"
The bum replied, "How should I know? You're the one with the job!"
The man asked, "When's payday?"
The bum replied, "How should I know? You're the one with the job!"
Monday, January 16, 2006
THREE THINGS
What Three Things did you think about changing in your life for New Year, and have you done any of them yet?
Friday, January 13, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
May I have your attention please...
Choking baby....
Here's a helpful hint..after making two choking baby calls...
If your child has something STUCK in his/her throat (not mouth) please do not stick your fingers in there. You will push it further back and possibly completely shut off its' airway. Number 1 cause of cardiac arrest in babies is respiratory failure. If you shut off your childs airway it WILL go into cardiac arrest.
**steps off of soapbox and walks away**
Here's a helpful hint..after making two choking baby calls...
If your child has something STUCK in his/her throat (not mouth) please do not stick your fingers in there. You will push it further back and possibly completely shut off its' airway. Number 1 cause of cardiac arrest in babies is respiratory failure. If you shut off your childs airway it WILL go into cardiac arrest.
**steps off of soapbox and walks away**
Monday, January 09, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Friday, January 06, 2006
The Australian 5th Jan 06
Japanese tourists buy $22.50 mangoes
Ian GerardJanuary 05, 2006
DEPARTING Japanese tourists are paying $22.50 for a mango at Cairns international airport but producers claim the price is cheap for export-quality fruit.
While mangoes sell for as little as $1 a kilo at the local markets in Cairns, they can cost up to $80 each at department stores in Tokyo, where Japanese consumers
are developing a taste for the exotic fruit. Japanese-owned but Queensland-based
company Diamond Star Australia is selling boxes of three export-quality mangoes
for $67.50 at the busy north Queensland airport, which has regular direct flights to Tokyo and Osaka.
Vapour heat-treated and inspected by Australian and Japanese quarantine authorities, the mangoes are sold in packs of three or six, depending on their size.
Diamond Star Australia, an operation based at Mutchilba, west of Cairns, owns one of
two mango export treatment plants in the country, allowing them to meet the strict criteria applied by Japanese authorities.
The mangoes are grown on the eastern side of trees to give them a healthy reddish hue.
Yesterday, 40 boxes of mangoes were snapped up before lunch.
"They are selling that well that we have to refuse to sell them so we have some left for travel companies which have pre-booked them," Produce of Australia manager James
Tsang said.
"The feedback we get is great.
They are all excited about it, especially this time of year."
Each box of mangoes is certified by the Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service and representatives of the Japanese Ministry for Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries.
Cairns AQIS export supervisor Lionel Smith said Diamond Star Australia paid the Federal government body about $2,000 a week to make daily inspections of the plant to
make sure the mangoes met the requirements of the Japanese.
"We supervise the treatments and ensure the security of the product once it is treated is maintained," he said.
"The price they buy them for here is quite viable compared to what they pay for it in
Japan."
Australian Mango Industry Association chairman Joe Moro said that while the mangoes were expensive, much of the cost was related to their treatment for export.
Mr Moro said growers of the Japanese-bound mangoes received a premium on top of
the domestic rate for their fruit, did not have to pay packing costs and were "very happy" with the arrangement.
"The more mango we export, the better," he said.
"My understanding is that growers are getting an extremely good price.
Mangoes are a significant investment for growers, but a lot of the cost would be related to the treatment."
Australia has exported mangoes to Japan since 1994 under a bilateral agreement
between the MAFF and the federal Department of Agriculture. Mr Moro said mangoes were an expensive fruit to export to Japan because it was a small market.
"They move small volumes and therefore have high prices," he said.
Ian GerardJanuary 05, 2006
DEPARTING Japanese tourists are paying $22.50 for a mango at Cairns international airport but producers claim the price is cheap for export-quality fruit.
While mangoes sell for as little as $1 a kilo at the local markets in Cairns, they can cost up to $80 each at department stores in Tokyo, where Japanese consumers
are developing a taste for the exotic fruit. Japanese-owned but Queensland-based
company Diamond Star Australia is selling boxes of three export-quality mangoes
for $67.50 at the busy north Queensland airport, which has regular direct flights to Tokyo and Osaka.
Vapour heat-treated and inspected by Australian and Japanese quarantine authorities, the mangoes are sold in packs of three or six, depending on their size.
Diamond Star Australia, an operation based at Mutchilba, west of Cairns, owns one of
two mango export treatment plants in the country, allowing them to meet the strict criteria applied by Japanese authorities.
The mangoes are grown on the eastern side of trees to give them a healthy reddish hue.
Yesterday, 40 boxes of mangoes were snapped up before lunch.
"They are selling that well that we have to refuse to sell them so we have some left for travel companies which have pre-booked them," Produce of Australia manager James
Tsang said.
"The feedback we get is great.
They are all excited about it, especially this time of year."
Each box of mangoes is certified by the Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service and representatives of the Japanese Ministry for Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries.
Cairns AQIS export supervisor Lionel Smith said Diamond Star Australia paid the Federal government body about $2,000 a week to make daily inspections of the plant to
make sure the mangoes met the requirements of the Japanese.
"We supervise the treatments and ensure the security of the product once it is treated is maintained," he said.
"The price they buy them for here is quite viable compared to what they pay for it in
Japan."
Australian Mango Industry Association chairman Joe Moro said that while the mangoes were expensive, much of the cost was related to their treatment for export.
Mr Moro said growers of the Japanese-bound mangoes received a premium on top of
the domestic rate for their fruit, did not have to pay packing costs and were "very happy" with the arrangement.
"The more mango we export, the better," he said.
"My understanding is that growers are getting an extremely good price.
Mangoes are a significant investment for growers, but a lot of the cost would be related to the treatment."
Australia has exported mangoes to Japan since 1994 under a bilateral agreement
between the MAFF and the federal Department of Agriculture. Mr Moro said mangoes were an expensive fruit to export to Japan because it was a small market.
"They move small volumes and therefore have high prices," he said.
Joke
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men flatulate more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men flatulate more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
The Courier Mail Blog
I see The Courier Mail Newspaper now has thier own Blog. Thats our State Newspaper for those outside Australia who don't know. All though it will never beat Pattycams Blog in the ratings war.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Be a Woo-Woo like Leigh
Click the above link. This takes you to the Harris County Emergency Communication Center. Click enter Comm Center. This center dispatches all the fire/medical 911 calls for the agencies listed on the left hand menu.
If you scroll down about 3/4's of the way down you'll see a Windows Media Player icon with the title "HCEC LIVE AUDIO FEED" or "CMMND LIVE AUDIO FEED". Click on either of these two links to listen to the calls being dispatched in my area.
All of the trucks/ambulances at my station are 19's or 29's or 39's. Chiefs are called District 9, District 99, District 79, District 19 and District 29. E stands for Engine, L stands for Ladder truck, B stands for Brushtruck, M stands for Medic (ambulance). We have three ambulances staffed 24/7, Medic 19 and Medic 29. M39 is a backup truck that is staffed by volunteers when the other two trucks are out on calls. Sunday night I drove the tires off of that truck going from one call to another.
Our district is 25 square miles with a general population around 45,000. This is expected to explode to around 100,000 in 2 years. Nearest hospital is 15 miles. Not too bad. We are supported by two air ambulance services and three different police agencies; the precinct, the sheriff's dept and the state troopers. We are not an incorporated district, so we don't have the City of Houston police or fire protection out here. Our fire dept is a combination department, paid and volunteer.
Currenlty, we're experiencing a drought and with that comes alot of brushfires. So, you might see B29 out on alot of calls.
Sometimes I ride on Medic 19 and sometimes I am on Medic 29. Just kinda depends on where they need me. And then there's the occasion where I am supposed to be at home folding clothes or ironing or something and I'm on Medic 39 (hee hee). I so wish I had discovered this industry when I was younger. I absolutely love it.
If you scroll down about 3/4's of the way down you'll see a Windows Media Player icon with the title "HCEC LIVE AUDIO FEED" or "CMMND LIVE AUDIO FEED". Click on either of these two links to listen to the calls being dispatched in my area.
All of the trucks/ambulances at my station are 19's or 29's or 39's. Chiefs are called District 9, District 99, District 79, District 19 and District 29. E stands for Engine, L stands for Ladder truck, B stands for Brushtruck, M stands for Medic (ambulance). We have three ambulances staffed 24/7, Medic 19 and Medic 29. M39 is a backup truck that is staffed by volunteers when the other two trucks are out on calls. Sunday night I drove the tires off of that truck going from one call to another.
Our district is 25 square miles with a general population around 45,000. This is expected to explode to around 100,000 in 2 years. Nearest hospital is 15 miles. Not too bad. We are supported by two air ambulance services and three different police agencies; the precinct, the sheriff's dept and the state troopers. We are not an incorporated district, so we don't have the City of Houston police or fire protection out here. Our fire dept is a combination department, paid and volunteer.
Currenlty, we're experiencing a drought and with that comes alot of brushfires. So, you might see B29 out on alot of calls.
Sometimes I ride on Medic 19 and sometimes I am on Medic 29. Just kinda depends on where they need me. And then there's the occasion where I am supposed to be at home folding clothes or ironing or something and I'm on Medic 39 (hee hee). I so wish I had discovered this industry when I was younger. I absolutely love it.
Today my baby turns 20
Oh my. My oldest son turned 20 yrs old today. Gosh..how old does that make me?
I remember holding him in my arms thinking, "what the hell am I going to do with this thing?" he was such a strange looking little creature. All long arms and fingers and long thin legs. He had beautiful almond shaped eyes and a long neck. I kept thinking he looked just like E.T. but maybe it was the marvellous drugs they gave me at the end of my labor.
He's grown into quite a lovely man now. He's very goal oriented, focused, calm, a real thinker. He's silently driven by small but obtainable goals that he sets for himself in order to reach that place where he wants to be when he's finished with his education.
Gentle, caring, kind, funny, intelligent. That's MY boy. I made that. I taught him to be like that. I raised him on my own. He gets that (whatever "that" is) from ME. He surrounds himself with the same type of people, and while they have different personalities, they all compliment one another. This one is good at this, that one is good at that.
We raised one another. I was very young when I had him. We saw some pretty lean times together, but he never wanted for anything. He had a roof over his head, he had shoes on his feet and he always had plenty of food on the table. I think he's a better person for knowing these struggles.
He's handsome, but of course I am going to say that. He's tall and sometimes when he walks in the kitchen it gets dark. When I bump into him, I bounce off of him. He always holds the door open for me and always always ends a telephone call with "I love you Mom".
I remember holding him in my arms thinking, "what the hell am I going to do with this thing?" he was such a strange looking little creature. All long arms and fingers and long thin legs. He had beautiful almond shaped eyes and a long neck. I kept thinking he looked just like E.T. but maybe it was the marvellous drugs they gave me at the end of my labor.
He's grown into quite a lovely man now. He's very goal oriented, focused, calm, a real thinker. He's silently driven by small but obtainable goals that he sets for himself in order to reach that place where he wants to be when he's finished with his education.
Gentle, caring, kind, funny, intelligent. That's MY boy. I made that. I taught him to be like that. I raised him on my own. He gets that (whatever "that" is) from ME. He surrounds himself with the same type of people, and while they have different personalities, they all compliment one another. This one is good at this, that one is good at that.
We raised one another. I was very young when I had him. We saw some pretty lean times together, but he never wanted for anything. He had a roof over his head, he had shoes on his feet and he always had plenty of food on the table. I think he's a better person for knowing these struggles.
He's handsome, but of course I am going to say that. He's tall and sometimes when he walks in the kitchen it gets dark. When I bump into him, I bounce off of him. He always holds the door open for me and always always ends a telephone call with "I love you Mom".
Leigh was born in the Year of the Snake....
SNAKE: They like to always be in control, are charming and captivating, yet calculating and often conservative. They are often enduring characters who can keep going in adversity. They have the alertness of the snake and often exhibit uncanny perception. Companionship, moral support and love are important to a Snake in intimate relationships. Their partners must like cosy surroundings and intimacy. They are brilliant at laying in wait and may patiently observe for months or years, then strike at the right moment. Their careers are in public relations, archaeology, astrology, philosophy, catering or the law.
DOG: This is the honest, friendly and sincere sign of the zodiac. People born under the Dog always seem to be ready for action and this quality brings respect from others around them. They can be brave and courageous and rarely withdraw from a commitment or betray a confidence. Their inner power and physical vigour makes them good people to have on a team. They are very loyal and reliable and in relationships settle with someone who supports them. They are devoted to the welfare of others and are often wonderful listeners. They can be very faithful to their partners and to others around them. The careers that they approach include teaching, social work, counselling, medicine, research, public campaigning and law.
Years: 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006.
Patty
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Santa is a man, gasp!
Why Santa Must Be a Man
He lives at the North Pole. All women require ambient room temperature high enough to cook a turkey, so there's no way any woman choose the North Pole as her base of operations. The Bahamas, maybe.
He's fat and jolly. No one dares to describe any woman as "fat and jolly." If Santa was a woman, and you called her "fat and jolly," you wouldn't find coal in your stocking, you'd find a bomb!
He hangs out at the mall. Sure, at first glance this might seem to prove that he's a she. But, while both men and women go to malls, what does Santa do at the mall? He sits down! Do women ever sit at malls? No, women shop; men sit. Santa sits. 'Nuff said.
He walks on roofs. Women refuse to get on roofs! Have you ever seen a woman on a roof?
He likes milk and cookies. If he were a she, you have to leave dark chocolate and herbal tea by the fireplace. Or, if she was still sensitive about that whole "Fat and Jolly" thing, she'd demand carrot sticks and water.
He uses the chimney. What woman would crawl into a dirty, smelly chimney? A woman would carry a set of keys for every house and then not be able to find them in her purse.
He has reindeer. Reindeer are totally a guy thing: big, hairy, smelly, with huge antlers. No woman would use them. She would prefer a stretch limo.
See? Santa must be a man!
He lives at the North Pole. All women require ambient room temperature high enough to cook a turkey, so there's no way any woman choose the North Pole as her base of operations. The Bahamas, maybe.
He's fat and jolly. No one dares to describe any woman as "fat and jolly." If Santa was a woman, and you called her "fat and jolly," you wouldn't find coal in your stocking, you'd find a bomb!
He hangs out at the mall. Sure, at first glance this might seem to prove that he's a she. But, while both men and women go to malls, what does Santa do at the mall? He sits down! Do women ever sit at malls? No, women shop; men sit. Santa sits. 'Nuff said.
He walks on roofs. Women refuse to get on roofs! Have you ever seen a woman on a roof?
He likes milk and cookies. If he were a she, you have to leave dark chocolate and herbal tea by the fireplace. Or, if she was still sensitive about that whole "Fat and Jolly" thing, she'd demand carrot sticks and water.
He uses the chimney. What woman would crawl into a dirty, smelly chimney? A woman would carry a set of keys for every house and then not be able to find them in her purse.
He has reindeer. Reindeer are totally a guy thing: big, hairy, smelly, with huge antlers. No woman would use them. She would prefer a stretch limo.
See? Santa must be a man!
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy New Year
19.00pm 31 December 2005. Happy New Year to everyone. I hope you had, or will have, a really lovely time. Me, well, I'm all warm and cosy by the fire.
Love to you all, and keep safe.
Love to you all, and keep safe.
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