jumper
Patty
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
B105 webcam
Radio station B105 is living with a local family for the next 2 weeks, watch their live webcam over breakfast.
Patty
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Joke
One man said to the other, "This morning, I woke up feeling so bad that I tried to commit suicide by swallowing an entire bottle of aspirin."
The other asked, "No! What happened?"
The first replied, "After the first two, I felt better!"
The other asked, "No! What happened?"
The first replied, "After the first two, I felt better!"
ARGH I am a special ccustomer, my ar**!
I went to Rabbit Photos the other day, and dropped in a film with my youngest son Bear.
“Can I put this film in for a one hour development please” I asked.
“Certainly – do you have our Gold Card?” she asked me.
No.
And I don’t want one, either. Just develop the film please.
“What name is that?”
“What phone number? Postcode?”
Huh? Why does she need my postcode, I just want the film in an hours time.
“What is your email address?”
Why? Are you going to email me the images?
“When did you last use our services?”
By this time I am ready to blow my stack, so I say again, slowly, through gritted teeth.
“You don’t need to know my email address, you don’t need to know my postcode, just. develop. the. film. In. One. Hour. Please!”
Bear says “Calm down Mum” but I am enraged at the whole attitude thing of “you are an important customer, please waste your time and day by standing there and answering imbecile questions which have no relevance other than raising your blood pressure”
ARGH!!!
“Can I put this film in for a one hour development please” I asked.
“Certainly – do you have our Gold Card?” she asked me.
No.
And I don’t want one, either. Just develop the film please.
“What name is that?”
“What phone number? Postcode?”
Huh? Why does she need my postcode, I just want the film in an hours time.
“What is your email address?”
Why? Are you going to email me the images?
“When did you last use our services?”
By this time I am ready to blow my stack, so I say again, slowly, through gritted teeth.
“You don’t need to know my email address, you don’t need to know my postcode, just. develop. the. film. In. One. Hour. Please!”
Bear says “Calm down Mum” but I am enraged at the whole attitude thing of “you are an important customer, please waste your time and day by standing there and answering imbecile questions which have no relevance other than raising your blood pressure”
ARGH!!!
The Preacher & the Bear
A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Georgia in Athens. They would get together two or three times a week at the Varsity for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment.They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the "experience".Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus".
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.Rabbi Lipschitz looks up and struggles to speak to the others."Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out."
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the "experience".Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus".
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.Rabbi Lipschitz looks up and struggles to speak to the others."Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out."
Joke
There's a new scam going around that works like this: Two good-looking young women approach you while you're loading your groceries into your car.
They start cleaning your windshield, their breasts almost falling out of skimpy t-shirts. It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No, thank you, but could we have a ride to another store?"
If you agree, they get in the back seat.
On the way there, they have sex with each other, then one climbs into the front seat and performs oral sex on you while the other steals your money.
One poor man had his wallet stolen last Tuesday, Thursday, twice on Saturday and probably tomorrow.
They start cleaning your windshield, their breasts almost falling out of skimpy t-shirts. It's impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No, thank you, but could we have a ride to another store?"
If you agree, they get in the back seat.
On the way there, they have sex with each other, then one climbs into the front seat and performs oral sex on you while the other steals your money.
One poor man had his wallet stolen last Tuesday, Thursday, twice on Saturday and probably tomorrow.
Learning English
If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Pursue at your leisure.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove, dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat...
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea or is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove, dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat...
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea or is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
Think
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Dieter
One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?" His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds "Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Joke
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that!"
Don't worry about that", says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God", says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
Not to worry", says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
I can't do this", says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes drilled for that!"
Jokes
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing. ***********************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ***********************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
***********************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful .. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
**************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman ever since.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing. ***********************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ***********************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
***********************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful .. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
**************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman ever since.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Weight loss
To burn 400 kilojoles you can try one of these.
1/ 18 minutes house cleaning.
2/ 20 washing the car.
3/ 25 minutes ironing
4/ 1 hour making love.
I think an hour beats 18 minutes
1/ 18 minutes house cleaning.
2/ 20 washing the car.
3/ 25 minutes ironing
4/ 1 hour making love.
I think an hour beats 18 minutes
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
It's an Adelaide Thing
A man enters a bar and orders a drink.The bar has a robot bartender.The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him,"What's your IQ?"The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation aboutglobal warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry,environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, andsexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot.
He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for anotherdrink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking,but this time, about football, Bathurst1000, cricket, supermodels,favourite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test.
He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's yourIQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... really, really slowly...
"So...............
ya........ gonna....... follow ......... Port...........Power ......... again ...... this...........year?"
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot.
He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for anotherdrink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "about a 100." Immediately the robot starts talking,but this time, about football, Bathurst1000, cricket, supermodels,favourite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test.
He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's yourIQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... really, really slowly...
"So...............
ya........ gonna....... follow ......... Port...........Power ......... again ...... this...........year?"
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Donkey in the well
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, that the well needed to be covered anyway and that it just wasn't worth retrieving the donkey. So he invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quietened down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, that the well needed to be covered anyway and that it just wasn't worth retrieving the donkey. So he invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quietened down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Catholic Blonde
Catholic Blonde
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."
In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."
In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
Friday, April 07, 2006
Interesting Health Fact
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
Croc bites boy
Boy bitten by croc in Katherine floods
Friday Apr 7 11:17 AEST
A freshwater crocodile has attacked a teenage boy trapped in a tree by flooding at Katherine in the Northern Territory.
The croc bit the 16-year-old boy, one of three boys rescued from the tree, where they had sheltered most of Thursday afternoon.
Police say the teenager was treated for minor lacerations, but did not require further treatment.
Friday Apr 7 11:17 AEST
A freshwater crocodile has attacked a teenage boy trapped in a tree by flooding at Katherine in the Northern Territory.
The croc bit the 16-year-old boy, one of three boys rescued from the tree, where they had sheltered most of Thursday afternoon.
Police say the teenager was treated for minor lacerations, but did not require further treatment.
sponsor
AFL football club Richmond is sponsored by insurance company Australian financial group (A.F.G) Who now wants to change their name to National finance group (N.F.G) Somehow wearing NFG on their jumper is appropriate after their effort last week.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Two Irishmen in London
Two Irishmen in London whilst looking for work were strolling down Oxford Street.
After walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says:"Murphy, will you have a look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"
Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are, will you have a look at that. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."
Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay Taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're going to export them and make our fortune, so he won't."
Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got idea! You can do the best English accent, out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."
"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."
So the two visitors to the illustrious capital city go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Cockney impression:
"Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."
Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles, takes a look at Murphy as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish aren't you?"
Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be'Jesus. Mary Mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"
The Owner replies: "This is a Dry Cleaners".
After walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Murphy with a look of amazement on his face and says:"Murphy, will you have a look at that shop over there. I thought that London was supposed to be expensive but that shop is as cheap as chips!"
Murphy says: "Paddy you're right so you are, will you have a look at that. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin, so we would."
Paddy says in agreement: "Murphy that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to pay Taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're going to export them and make our fortune, so he won't."
Murphy thinks and says: "Paddy, I've got idea! You can do the best English accent, out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."
"OK Murphy", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."
So the two visitors to the illustrious capital city go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Cockney impression:
"Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 20 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 20 'Dickie Dirts' and 20 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind I'll be paying with the 380 'Pictures of the Queen' in my 'Sky Rocket'."
Upon hearing this request from Paddy, the owner smiles, takes a look at Murphy as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish aren't you?"
Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh be'Jesus. Mary Mother of Christ, if that ain't me best English accent? How in God's name did you know that we were Irish?"
The Owner replies: "This is a Dry Cleaners".
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