Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly.
"You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."
Friday, August 31, 2007
The Guy's Rules
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)We always hear " the rules "From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one!
1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question! you do n't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)We always hear " the rules "From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one!
1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question! you do n't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Joke
Since a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, scientists for Health Canada ran a study to see if drinking beer turns men into women.
In the study, men were each given six pints of beer per day for a month. 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive or think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
In the study, men were each given six pints of beer per day for a month. 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive or think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
Pull the other one it plays jingle bells
In a statement, he said the ecstasy tablet was pushed into a pocket of his jeans at a crowded club by an "unknown" person."Johns said he recalled an unknown person pushing a tablet into his jeans at a crowded club on Sunday - his last day in the United Kingdom following a six weeks overseas holiday."
Curiosity and cats
Manly Boy and Pixel were facinated by the printer, I think it's their new toy. I must stop them, as they will destroy valuable assignments, yikes!
Aussies urged to toss feral cats on the barbie
SYDNEY - Australians have come up with a novel solution to the millions of feral cats roaming the Outback: eat them.
Wild cats -- the escaped descendants of domestic cats - kill millions of small native animals each year. Now the tables have turned and they find themselves on the menu.
A bush tucker competition held at the weekend in Alice Springs, in the Red Centre of the continent, featured something new: wild cat casserole.
"It's a white meat," said Kay Kessing, who came up with the recipe. "They vary a lot. The first cat I cooked didn't have a strong flavour. I put a lot of ingredients with it and made a beautiful stew.
"This cat that I've cooked is slightly larger. It has a slightly stronger flavour, but not as strong as rabbit."
A children's book author and illustrator, Kessing campaigns to save wildlife from the depredations of cats and other introduced animals, including camels, donkeys and wild horses.
Feral cats, which arrived with the British in 1788, now occupy most of the continent. Studies of their stomach contents show they eat almost anything that moves, including lizards, small mammals and spiders, as well as 180 species of Australian native birds.
Kessing said she would never dream of cooking a domestic cat. "It should always be wild," she told ABC radio. "And we should be eating donkeys and horse meat, like the French do."
Wild cats -- the escaped descendants of domestic cats - kill millions of small native animals each year. Now the tables have turned and they find themselves on the menu.
A bush tucker competition held at the weekend in Alice Springs, in the Red Centre of the continent, featured something new: wild cat casserole.
"It's a white meat," said Kay Kessing, who came up with the recipe. "They vary a lot. The first cat I cooked didn't have a strong flavour. I put a lot of ingredients with it and made a beautiful stew.
"This cat that I've cooked is slightly larger. It has a slightly stronger flavour, but not as strong as rabbit."
A children's book author and illustrator, Kessing campaigns to save wildlife from the depredations of cats and other introduced animals, including camels, donkeys and wild horses.
Feral cats, which arrived with the British in 1788, now occupy most of the continent. Studies of their stomach contents show they eat almost anything that moves, including lizards, small mammals and spiders, as well as 180 species of Australian native birds.
Kessing said she would never dream of cooking a domestic cat. "It should always be wild," she told ABC radio. "And we should be eating donkeys and horse meat, like the French do."
CANADA DEALS WITH CURRENCY COUNTERFEITING THREATS
The Canadian government have decided to redesign their currency to prevent radical Muslims from even touching it! It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism: Darned clever, these Canadians.
Perhaps Australia and Europe should consider changing their currencies too.
Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their assets frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting.
Muslim terrorists have to kill themselves if they see a naked woman. Crafty Canadians always find the solution! Must be the pure water up there in the North (the water in the rye whiskey eh!) Don't you just love the Canucks?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
LUNAR ECLIPSE
Four hours of dodging clouds and snapping pics and this is the best I can come up with.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Irene Morgan
I had to post this wonderful true story. Click on the link and read this womans
life story.
Sign of the times
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then
I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from
my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit
the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this....
"You Got Male"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then
I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We
sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from
my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit
the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this....
"You Got Male"
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Wild surf and King tides + flooding rains
Yikes, with over 800 mls of rain dumped overnight, and a massive King tide expected, the beaches are taking a real pounding, with sand eroded down to the 'coffee rock'.
These images snapped on the Alexandra Headlands cam, and Noosa Cam.
Baby Shower paintings
I knocked these up (no pun intended) as a quick decoration for the Baby Shower I am holding next Saturday for my neice. Just simple, pink, and quick, but fun.
Google Earth beams you into space
Google has expanded the boundaries of Google Earth to include views of the universe with a new add-on called Sky. The tool, found in Google Earth 4.2, offers high-resolution photographs from the Hubble Space Telescope and educational information about stellar discoveries and constellations.
Getting to Google Sky was a little confusing, but it's actually an icon right in the middle of the page (circled). The first screen shows constellations to make it easier to find what you're looking for. With your mouse you can rotate 360 degrees around the sky and can also zoom in and out with your scroll wheel.
Getting to Google Sky was a little confusing, but it's actually an icon right in the middle of the page (circled). The first screen shows constellations to make it easier to find what you're looking for. With your mouse you can rotate 360 degrees around the sky and can also zoom in and out with your scroll wheel.
The sun is losing its sunspots
Here come the sunspots. NASA reports currently there are almost no sunspots on the sun--which most likely means sunspot activity has reached the solar minimum or low point of its 11-year cycle.
Because the magnetic energy from a sunspot is the source of solar flares, the chance of a solar flare, which usually causes communication outages as it nears Earth, is minimal right now. But it also means that solar activity will be picking up over the next five and a half years and the threat will be increasing.
The sun as it looked on July 24.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Kangaroos money spinners
KANGAROOS are no longer a pest but a valuable source of income for rural communities, a new study has found.
Adelaide University PhD student Dana Thomsen has examined the economic and social issues related to commercial kangaroo harvesting for the past five years.
She said that far from being a pest, kangaroos were now regarded as a valuable resource by graziers.
"Commercial harvesting of kangaroos, originally used as a form of pest control to reduce the pressure on grazing lands, is now a significant industry that directly employs around 4000 people and contributes up to $230 million a year to the Australian economy," Ms Thomsen said.
Kangaroo meat and skins are now exported to 60 countries and the market is growing.
Kangaroo pelts are highly sought after in Europe for clothing, shoes and accessories while kangaroo meat is lauded for its low fat, high protein health benefits.
Ms Thomsen said the commercial kangaroo industry was also considered by natural resource scientists as one of the few rural industries that provided economic benefits with minimal impact on the environment.
But she warned that Aboriginal communities needed to be consulted more widely in regard to kangaroo management.
"Kangaroos are culturally significant to Aboriginal people and it's important we include them in the decision-making process," Ms Thomsen said.
"Part of my research involves promoting a better understanding between non-indigenous industry stakeholders and Aboriginal people so we can market the industry as not only clean and green, but also socially just."
(By the way, to the overseas people who are told we "skin our kangaroos alive" don't believe it. It's takes a very strong and stupid man to skin a kangaroo alive, can you imagine the kicking? That's why we get the women to do it. mwhahahaha)
Adelaide University PhD student Dana Thomsen has examined the economic and social issues related to commercial kangaroo harvesting for the past five years.
She said that far from being a pest, kangaroos were now regarded as a valuable resource by graziers.
"Commercial harvesting of kangaroos, originally used as a form of pest control to reduce the pressure on grazing lands, is now a significant industry that directly employs around 4000 people and contributes up to $230 million a year to the Australian economy," Ms Thomsen said.
Kangaroo meat and skins are now exported to 60 countries and the market is growing.
Kangaroo pelts are highly sought after in Europe for clothing, shoes and accessories while kangaroo meat is lauded for its low fat, high protein health benefits.
Ms Thomsen said the commercial kangaroo industry was also considered by natural resource scientists as one of the few rural industries that provided economic benefits with minimal impact on the environment.
But she warned that Aboriginal communities needed to be consulted more widely in regard to kangaroo management.
"Kangaroos are culturally significant to Aboriginal people and it's important we include them in the decision-making process," Ms Thomsen said.
"Part of my research involves promoting a better understanding between non-indigenous industry stakeholders and Aboriginal people so we can market the industry as not only clean and green, but also socially just."
(By the way, to the overseas people who are told we "skin our kangaroos alive" don't believe it. It's takes a very strong and stupid man to skin a kangaroo alive, can you imagine the kicking? That's why we get the women to do it. mwhahahaha)
Level Six water retrictions delayed, whew.
THE Queensland Water Commission says heavy rainfall has enabled level six water restrictions to be put off until late November or early December.
The restrictions were due to come in as early as next month.
But it would take up to a week before the full impact on dam levels was known, the commission said today.
The announcement came after it was revealed a new rainfall record had been set at Rainbow Beach on the Sunshine Coast, near where an Indonesian sailing ship became grounded in heavy weather yesterday.
Weather bureau climate records meteorologist Claire Webb said 713mm fell there in the 24 hours to 9am today.
This was more than three times the previous total of 216mm for the whole month of August set in 1998, Ms Webb said.
"It's amazing," she said. "There certainly is some flooding up there."
At nearby Mt Bilewilam, north of Noosa, 689mm fell in the same period to 9am today and at Coops Corner, 706mm was recorded.
At Tewantin, near Noosa, 310mm fell to 9am today, more than four times the previous record daily total of 72.2mm set on August 19, 1989.
Senior forecaster Jeff Callaghan said the current low pressure system over south-east Queensland was a freak event, not seen since the 1800s.
The restrictions were due to come in as early as next month.
But it would take up to a week before the full impact on dam levels was known, the commission said today.
The announcement came after it was revealed a new rainfall record had been set at Rainbow Beach on the Sunshine Coast, near where an Indonesian sailing ship became grounded in heavy weather yesterday.
Weather bureau climate records meteorologist Claire Webb said 713mm fell there in the 24 hours to 9am today.
This was more than three times the previous total of 216mm for the whole month of August set in 1998, Ms Webb said.
"It's amazing," she said. "There certainly is some flooding up there."
At nearby Mt Bilewilam, north of Noosa, 689mm fell in the same period to 9am today and at Coops Corner, 706mm was recorded.
At Tewantin, near Noosa, 310mm fell to 9am today, more than four times the previous record daily total of 72.2mm set on August 19, 1989.
Senior forecaster Jeff Callaghan said the current low pressure system over south-east Queensland was a freak event, not seen since the 1800s.
Sex-mad Koala marathon
A SEX-MAD koala recruited from Scotland to teach his counterpart in an Austrian zoo about the birds and the bees is finding himself very much in demand.
When romantic music, erotic movies and aphrodisiac food failed to entice their male koala, Bilyarra, to mate with female Mirali, staff at Vienna's Schoenbrunn Zoo sought the help of Edinburgh Zoo's resident stud, Chumbee.
The five-year-old male koala and his super-active libido arrived on loan in the Austrian capital in March and zoo managers are confident they will soon be hearing the patter of tiny koala paws after Bilyarra started to get in on the action.
"Chumbee hasn't stopped since he got here," said Schoenbrunn Zoo manager Helmut Pechlaner.
"It has been almost non-stop sex in the koala enclosure ever since, and now even our own male is joining in."
Zoo vet Hanna Vielgrader said Chumbee could not restrain himself.
"The only break is to eat or sleep, other than that there's no stopping them," she said.
Several other zoos have been in touch in the hope Chumbee might be able to invigorate their koala colonies.
When romantic music, erotic movies and aphrodisiac food failed to entice their male koala, Bilyarra, to mate with female Mirali, staff at Vienna's Schoenbrunn Zoo sought the help of Edinburgh Zoo's resident stud, Chumbee.
The five-year-old male koala and his super-active libido arrived on loan in the Austrian capital in March and zoo managers are confident they will soon be hearing the patter of tiny koala paws after Bilyarra started to get in on the action.
"Chumbee hasn't stopped since he got here," said Schoenbrunn Zoo manager Helmut Pechlaner.
"It has been almost non-stop sex in the koala enclosure ever since, and now even our own male is joining in."
Zoo vet Hanna Vielgrader said Chumbee could not restrain himself.
"The only break is to eat or sleep, other than that there's no stopping them," she said.
Several other zoos have been in touch in the hope Chumbee might be able to invigorate their koala colonies.
Jaws
I took this on a recent trip to Darwin on the Adelaide river jumping croc cruise
CLICK ON IMAGE FOR A CLOSE UP..IF YOU DARE!
CLICK ON IMAGE FOR A CLOSE UP..IF YOU DARE!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Sleep, sweet sleep, and Chloe
Finally we are into our beautiful hotel room, and just look at those pillows! The next mornng, two glorious hot-air balloons drift over us. A quick visit to Chloe, a famous painting, completes the visit.
Yarra Valley Wine Tastings
The beautiful Yarra Valley, with it's many quality wineries, is always a must-do stopover. We taste a range of sparkingly wines from Chandon. Some days, a girl's just gotta do what a girl's gotta do! Cheers! Then it's off to De Bortili's, for cheese tasting.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Relaxing at last!
Bloody tourists! We collect armfulls of litter and rubbish, mostly softdrink plastic bottles and Japenese cigarette packets. Grrr!
I do not understand the mentality of some people, travelling halfway across the planet, and then driving for another 5 hours, to leave their crap behind. Not good enough!
We drive onto the next township of Port Campbell, in time for sunset drinks, woot! The views from our little motel are gorgeous, cheers!
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