I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't
. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word
. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
. Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
. I can handle pain until it hurts.
. No matter where you go you're there.