Here's some helpful hints that could save your life!
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will
forget about the toothache.
8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life
really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't
move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never
know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.