Friday, June 20, 2008

Teaching the Bear to cook

So I am trying to teach my sons to cook, but unfortunately the eldest moved in with his girlfriend before I could move on from boiling water to Lesson 2; not burning toast.

Determined not to be outwitted yet again by my other smart remaining boy, I attempt to teach my youngest something, anything, not so much so he won’t starve, more so that no girlfriend of his will come to me in the future and complain that he can’t cook or worse, never cooks.

It’s my anti daughter-in-law-whinge strategy.

Being a typical 18 year old, he considers it his male duty to catch Glandular Fever, *motherly sigh, so I cook him fresh chicken soup for lunch one day to sooth his sore throat.

He doesn’t eat any of it, but I woof it down and just can’t eat it fast enough.

I have impressed myself!

In the following weeks, as he gradually recovers, he begins to experiment, asking me again to make the chicken soup, whilst he watches. Overcome with motherly pride, I manage to loudly sing to three Kylie songs, do a little dance, and whip up another successful batch, all the time stirring and teaching my son.

In my imagination
There is no complication
I dream about you all the time

I am in awe of myself, again. This is my recipe below:

Quick Chicken and Corn soup

Tear flesh off bbq chook sitting forgotten in back of fridge. Make tiger sounds "like a tiger!"
Have glass of wine. Cooking is hot, thirsty work.
Half fill large saucepan with water, add 2 big chicken stock cubes, diced chook, BIG heaped spoons of both ginger and garlic (don't pussyfoot around, make them big)
Add fresh corn shaved off the cob, shake chilli powder over pot, add Tabasco, look hesitant.
At this point it is important to adapt recipe to suit your own needs, so if married with kids, yell at them mindlessly "Come inside! Go outside! Do your homework! Empty the bins" If you are single, mutter things about your mother, but be prepared to run if she re-enters the room and hears you.
If you want to make this soup for the next day, add 1/2 cup pearl barley. It gives it a nice mouth-feel. I may have just made that up.
Bring to rapid boil. Keep tasting and adjusting chilli, Tabasco sauce to taste. Add, taste.
Toss in a good shake of soy sauce, and one more for luck. Add fresh ground black pepper, add spaghetti broken up. Simmer for another 10 minutes, enjoy!

Now as it turns out, I was trumped by my son, who outwitted and out-cooked me with his own version. The student now turns into the teacher, but it’s all good, and I am not offended.

Ok, I was but I only sulked for 2 days, so that’s gotta be good, right? My job is now to take photos of him whilst he cooks, and to continue singing to Kylie.

Ok, she isn’t a great singer, but neither am I, we compliment each other.

Better the devil you know
Better the devil you know
Woh woh who

Bear’s Creamy Chicken and Mushroom Soup

Butter, onion, garlic, button mushrooms, cooked chicken, mustard, chicken stock, white wine, cream, cracked pepper
Soften the onions, add garlic, add mushrooms. Cook for a bit. (Teen term for ring your girlfriend, then come back and re-check soup)
Add the mushrooms, cook some more. (See above, this time ring your mates or get onto Msn and chat)
Add the wine, then the chicken. Cook a bit more. (Yadda yadda)
Add the stock, mustard, and cream. Cook a bit more, (*sighs) then take out about 1/2 to 3/4 and blend – it will look like a dog’s breakfast once blended but tastes really “awesome” according to my son, and he should know, he’s the man!

Everybody’s doin a brand new dance now
(cmon baby do the loco-motion)
I know youll get to like it
If you give it a chance now
(cmon baby do the loco-motion)

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