I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I am not paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other Locations.
You do not take initiative; you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
In addition, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.