Why Santa Must Be a Man
He lives at the North Pole. All women require ambient room temperature high enough to cook a turkey, so there's no way any woman choose the North Pole as her base of operations. The Bahamas, maybe.
He's fat and jolly. No one dares to describe any woman as "fat and jolly." If Santa was a woman, and you called her "fat and jolly," you wouldn't find coal in your stocking, you'd find a bomb!
He hangs out at the mall. Sure, at first glance this might seem to prove that he's a she. But, while both men and women go to malls, what does Santa do at the mall? He sits down! Do women ever sit at malls? No, women shop; men sit. Santa sits. 'Nuff said.
He walks on roofs. Women refuse to get on roofs! Have you ever seen a woman on a roof?
He likes milk and cookies. If he were a she, you have to leave dark chocolate and herbal tea by the fireplace. Or, if she was still sensitive about that whole "Fat and Jolly" thing, she'd demand carrot sticks and water.
He uses the chimney. What woman would crawl into a dirty, smelly chimney? A woman would carry a set of keys for every house and then not be able to find them in her purse.
He has reindeer. Reindeer are totally a guy thing: big, hairy, smelly, with huge antlers. No woman would use them. She would prefer a stretch limo.
See? Santa must be a man!
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1 comment:
And he wears a Santa suit, and has a beard.
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