Aussie humour

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website
and the answers are the actual responses by the
website officials, who obviously have a great sense of
humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never
seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit
around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow
the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of
water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo
racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in
the middle of the Pacific which does not . . . oh
forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us
when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
(USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the
Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydn ey and is milk
available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who
can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca which is where YOU
come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly
harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of
youth. Can you tell me where I can sell itin Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the
female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to
contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings
Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?(USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first