Letter to a friend

Lee,

I am so sorry to hear the news that your Dad passed away so suddenly.
What a shock for you and your family. So sad.

I am speaking to you now, as a daughter, a wife, and a mother.

You are entering a softer, sadder time in you life, where you have the human privilege of ‘seeing off your father’; the duty of a daughter; and the responsibility of a mother.

The duty of a wife is a given… :)

No doubt you are madly helping organise the funeral. A huge ask! Again, a wonderful job, but one fraught with responsibility. Did he want his? Did he want that? Why didn’t we discuss it more!

All this, and supporting your Mother too, a task, which you shall not only rise to, but excel in.

I don’t know you very well, but I do know you love your family, blue jeans, and your ‘boys’. I feel you are a ‘hands on’, ‘can do’ person.

Make the time to stop also, and just be… allow yourself time to grieve, to think, to ponder, to wonder. Allow yourself time to just do what-ever-the-hell-you-want-to-do!

Listen to music. Have a drink. God is watching, and she approves! There has never been a sunny day without a shadow!

Have a box of tissues handy at the funeral, and don’t be afraid to visit it often.

Ask a friend to take photos at the funeral. You may never want to see them again, but if you do…they are always there to revisit.

Talk as much as you like about your Dad, to whomever will listen. Be happy. Be angry. Be daring! Be still.

It’s a funny thing this stuff being us…. it’s ultimately OUR life too, and we have the choice to live it in the way we want to, according to the time/date/fashion. There are no rules/codes/protocol for grieving … so laugh, scream, cry, hold, dream and remember.

Remember your Dad when he held you as a little girl. Remember him when he used to whisper in your ear, or pushed you on a swing.

What you are about to go through (funeral etc) is so difficult, but it’s do-able. Don’t be strong for anyone (unless it’s your Mum!) just go with the flow.

Remember to eat! Remember to drink and toast a great life! Remember to look at your family, and hug them and hold them and tell them that you love them dearly.

Thinking of you.

Patty

Daughter. Wife. Mother. Parent. Friend.