What are you talking about? Just lay egggs!
I WANT AN EPIDURAL!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Guess What Year it Was ?
Nelson Mandela walks free from Prison.
Margaret Thatcher resigns as British Prime Minister
Iraq invaded Kuwait
Western Australian Politician Carmen Lawrence became the first female Premier
Polish Solidarity Leader Lech Walesa became the first freely-elected President of Poland.
East and West Germany unite to become
Singer, Michael Bolton sang, "How Am I Suppose to Live Without You"
Best Picture of the year went to " Dances with the wolves"
Bob Hawke was Prime Minister of Australia
Margaret Thatcher resigns as British Prime Minister
Iraq invaded Kuwait
Western Australian Politician Carmen Lawrence became the first female Premier
Polish Solidarity Leader Lech Walesa became the first freely-elected President of Poland.
East and West Germany unite to become
Singer, Michael Bolton sang, "How Am I Suppose to Live Without You"
Best Picture of the year went to " Dances with the wolves"
Bob Hawke was Prime Minister of Australia
Joke
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when supplies of tea all but ran out. Terrorists have been re categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Excitedly" to "Ponce About in a Daft Military Manner." Two more levels remain: "Run Away" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." Like their Italian friends, they also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Meanwhile the Irish government is about to introduce a system with just two alert states, to be called "Who Gives a Shoite?" and "Will You Be Havin' Another, Seamus?"
Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when supplies of tea all but ran out. Terrorists have been re categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Excitedly" to "Ponce About in a Daft Military Manner." Two more levels remain: "Run Away" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." Like their Italian friends, they also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Meanwhile the Irish government is about to introduce a system with just two alert states, to be called "Who Gives a Shoite?" and "Will You Be Havin' Another, Seamus?"
Monday, October 16, 2006
Top 5 TV shows
1. Gardening Australia (and you KNOW what I'm gonna say, that's your blimming lot fer the week!) *swoons
2. Survivor
3. Operatunity
4. Denton
5. Spicks n Specks
(and about 100 others!!)
WHAT'S YOURS?
2. Survivor
3. Operatunity
4. Denton
5. Spicks n Specks
(and about 100 others!!)
WHAT'S YOURS?
Top 5 T.V Shows you are whatching now
Cold case .
Boston legal.
The cook and the chef.
Jamie's kitchen .
Mid summers murders.
Boston legal.
The cook and the chef.
Jamie's kitchen .
Mid summers murders.
A husband and a wife in bed making mad passionate love at the foot of the bed they were in was a full 30 piece orchestra playing.
As the music got louder and the trumpets blew things intensified with the husband and wife as they locked in a tight embrace, Lips became one.
Then suddenly the woman pulls her head back looks up at her husband and asks him, " are you sure this is what they mean by the rhythm method?" .
As the music got louder and the trumpets blew things intensified with the husband and wife as they locked in a tight embrace, Lips became one.
Then suddenly the woman pulls her head back looks up at her husband and asks him, " are you sure this is what they mean by the rhythm method?" .
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Friday, October 13, 2006
October 13, 2006 08:06am
Article from: AAP
PARAMEDICS have administered a second dose of antivenom to a man fighting for his life after he was bitten by a death adder.
The 50-year-old holidaymaker, from Schofields in Sydney's northwest, was attacked when he picked the snake up in the dark last night, thinking it was a lizard.Could you tell them apart?
Black Friday?
Black Friday. So far I have been waiting for 3 hours for my friend to turn up "I'll be there in a tic" and crashed the puter 5 times, 4 freezes, and 2 blue screens of death. Handed my camera in to be fixed, and found out my kid is going to have his nose ring inserted. FFS!!!!!
BLACK FRIDAY.
What's happened to you today?
BLACK FRIDAY.
What's happened to you today?
The Homeless Woman
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman."I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myselftonight."
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman."I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myselftonight."
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
Frday funny
Psychiatrist Says
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children!
You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Like the others, your obsession manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children!
You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Like the others, your obsession manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Camera hospital
I put my baby into hospital today. My Canon, my dear, beloved Canon, has been playing up now for some time, and today it wouldn’t even take a photo, just the continual blinking BUSY signal.
BUSY. BUSY. BUSY.
So I drive to Canon hills (love the irony) and meanwhile phone the place of purchase, to see if they have a record of payment, as I don’t have anything to prove date of purchase.
To cut a long story short, the warranty ran out yesterday.
Yesterday!
Ffs!
Canon assure me they will fix it, and quote a waiting time of “4 – 6 weeks” repair time.
My mind fast-forwards to my Golf Day, my Cairns trip, taking my mother overseas to New Zealand, and my son’s Graduation. It’s like a bad dream. I need my camera!
What choice do I have, but to get it fixed, so I book it in, and walking out of the plush, gorgeous new building, turn around as if to wave goodbye.
My face crumples by the time I reach the car, and to my horror I sob like a baby. I can’t believe my own reaction, after all, “it’s just a camera”, and I angle the mirror to stare at my face.
I look like crumpled tissue with a smear of red lippy, and for a while I almost don’t recognise myself.
I can hear the noise of my sobbing, and am overcome with helplessness. I miss my camera already, and I am still sitting in the car park sobbing, when I ring hubby.
His voice is full of concern. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s my camera! I love my camera!” I wail, rousing on myself for being such a child.
Eventually I calm down, and drive off, face still contorted, tissues wiping my tears, reminding myself to take deep breaths as I drive off.
I want my camera back, and I want it back now!
BUSY. BUSY. BUSY.
So I drive to Canon hills (love the irony) and meanwhile phone the place of purchase, to see if they have a record of payment, as I don’t have anything to prove date of purchase.
To cut a long story short, the warranty ran out yesterday.
Yesterday!
Ffs!
Canon assure me they will fix it, and quote a waiting time of “4 – 6 weeks” repair time.
My mind fast-forwards to my Golf Day, my Cairns trip, taking my mother overseas to New Zealand, and my son’s Graduation. It’s like a bad dream. I need my camera!
What choice do I have, but to get it fixed, so I book it in, and walking out of the plush, gorgeous new building, turn around as if to wave goodbye.
My face crumples by the time I reach the car, and to my horror I sob like a baby. I can’t believe my own reaction, after all, “it’s just a camera”, and I angle the mirror to stare at my face.
I look like crumpled tissue with a smear of red lippy, and for a while I almost don’t recognise myself.
I can hear the noise of my sobbing, and am overcome with helplessness. I miss my camera already, and I am still sitting in the car park sobbing, when I ring hubby.
His voice is full of concern. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s my camera! I love my camera!” I wail, rousing on myself for being such a child.
Eventually I calm down, and drive off, face still contorted, tissues wiping my tears, reminding myself to take deep breaths as I drive off.
I want my camera back, and I want it back now!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Support our Firefighters
MORE than 100 blazes have erupted across Victoria today in a disastrous week for fire crews around the country.Victorian authorities are facing a nervous afternoon with temperatures above 30C and gusty northerly winds lashing the state.
The wind is so strong that the firefighters are struggling to stand up on occasions. The wind is really howling out there," DSE state duty officer Kevin Monk said.
More news here
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Here are some ways to really annoy people big time...
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip..."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announcing its your property.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Name your dog "Dog".
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think!"
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip..."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announcing its your property.
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Name your dog "Dog".
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think!"
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Top 5 Albums
Top Favourite Albums
1. Wednesday Morning 3am - Simon and Garfunkle
2. Graceland - Paul Simon
3. CSN - Crosby, Stills, Nash
4. Let the Dog out - Gondwanaland
5. The Divinyls - Make you Happy
(and another 100 more, whew)
1. Wednesday Morning 3am - Simon and Garfunkle
2. Graceland - Paul Simon
3. CSN - Crosby, Stills, Nash
4. Let the Dog out - Gondwanaland
5. The Divinyls - Make you Happy
(and another 100 more, whew)
My Top 5 Albums
Thriller - Michael Jackson
Back in Black - AC/DC
Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
ELO - Electric Light Orchestra
No Jacket Required - Phil Collins
Back in Black - AC/DC
Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen
ELO - Electric Light Orchestra
No Jacket Required - Phil Collins
Top 5 Album's
1/cosmo's factory..Creedence clearwater
2/Let it be........The Beatles
3/Hot August night.Neil Diamond
4/Tapestry........ Carol King
5/Mad dogs and English men. Joe Cocker
2/Let it be........The Beatles
3/Hot August night.Neil Diamond
4/Tapestry........ Carol King
5/Mad dogs and English men. Joe Cocker
The Brothel
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS, "I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
"DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
HIS FRIEND SAYS, "I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
"A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
"WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
Line Sleding fun
Got time to spare? Go to this site, and draw 2 lines, from top left to lower right. It's called "Line Sledding," and that's about all you do ...and yet it's strangely addictive.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Back in the swing....
Soma boy has regained his 'crop-circle' birds nest, where he sleeps in the cool of the day, since Miss Gypsys untimely passing.....
Common Koel
Image from: John Gould (1804-81) The birds of Australia 1840-48. 7 vols. 600 plates Artists: J. Gould and E. Gould; Lithographer: E. Gould.
Feather (female primary) � Australian Museum
Feather (female body) � Australian Museum
Common Koel. Photo: AD Trounson/Nature Focus � Australian Museum
Common Koel Egg � Australian Museum
Eudynamys scolopacea
Description
When seen, the male Common Koel is easily identified by its entirely glossy black plumage, tinged with blue and green, and striking red eye. The female has glossed brown upperparts, heavily spotted with white, and a black crown. The underparts are generally buff-cream with numerous fine black bars. Young birds resemble the adult female, but have considerably more buff and a dark eye. The Common Koel is 39 to 46 cm in length, and is a member of the cuckoo family. Adults are rather shy and they are heard much more than seen. The male Common Koel advertises its presence by a loud ascending whistle "coo-ee" or "ko-el", monotonously repeated; the call of the female is a repetitive "wook-wook-wook...". Males often call throughout the day and well into the night.
In contrast to the adults, fledglings can be very conspicuous as they beg loudly for food from their foster parents.
Another member of the genus is the Long-tailed Cuckoo, Eudynamys taitensis, of New Zealand, Fiji and the Solomon Islands. This bird somewhat resembles the female Common Koel in plumage.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
weekend readings
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't
. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word
. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
. Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
. I can handle pain until it hurts.
. No matter where you go you're there.
Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.
. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't
. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word
. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
. You can't have everything; where would you put it?
. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
. DNA: National Dyslexic Association.
. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
. Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
. I can handle pain until it hurts.
. No matter where you go you're there.
It's not hard to amuse me some days, ha-ha-ha
Dare Me T-Shirt – Old Fart - Description
A great list of dare’s for someone to do on their Birthday. Tick them off as you go, or simply have everyone sign it as a momento. Included on this t-shirt are the following dares:
• Escape from the Old Age Home.
• Die your hair with a blue rinse
• Tell 3 strangers stories starting with “In my day…”
• Disco dance to 3 modern songs
• Use a computer to surf the net
• Throw out all the food in your pantry that has passed the use by date
• Stay up up until 9 p.m.
• Take your teeth out and chat someone up
• Order and drink a SLIPPERY NIPPLE
• Have everyone attending sign this shirt
• Don’t watch current affairs shows for a whole night
• Don’t complain about the terrible “youth of today” for a whole day
Dare Me T-Shirt – 30 Year Old - Description
A great list of dare’s for someone to do on his or her 30th Birthday. Tick them off as you go, or simply have everyone sign it as a memento of the event. Included on this t-shirt are the following dares:
• Air guitar to your favourite song standing on a table top
• Drink Beer through a straw
• Have sex in a position you’ve never done before
• Form a group and do “The Nutbush”
• Kiss 30 strangers
• Get 30 potential dates’ phone numbers & write them on this shirt
• Request songs from the 80’s
• Pash a stranger for 2 minutes
• Order a drink a Flaming Orgasm
• Have everyone attending sign this shirt
• Make a list of everyone you’ve slept with & write it on this shirt
• Fake an orgasm – loudly!
And have a wicked time!
Dare Me T-Shirt – 18 Year Old - Description
A great list of dare’s for someone to do on their 18th Birthday. Tick them off as you go, or simply have everyone sign it as a memento. Included on this t-shirt are the following dares:
• Air guitar to your favorite song standing on a table top
• Buy a round for all your friends
• Use the opposite sex’s toilet
• Undo your fly for ½ hour
• Kiss 18 strangers
• Plan an adventurous position for your first date as a 21 year old and write it here……..mmmmmm
• Run 3 laps of the bar
• Pash a stranger for 2 minutes
• Order a drink a PINK PUSSY
• Have everyone attending sign the shirt
• Get 18 potential dates’ phone numbers and write them on the shirt
• Slow dance on the floor by yourself
And have a bloody good time!
A great list of dare’s for someone to do on their Birthday. Tick them off as you go, or simply have everyone sign it as a momento. Included on this t-shirt are the following dares:
• Escape from the Old Age Home.
• Die your hair with a blue rinse
• Tell 3 strangers stories starting with “In my day…”
• Disco dance to 3 modern songs
• Use a computer to surf the net
• Throw out all the food in your pantry that has passed the use by date
• Stay up up until 9 p.m.
• Take your teeth out and chat someone up
• Order and drink a SLIPPERY NIPPLE
• Have everyone attending sign this shirt
• Don’t watch current affairs shows for a whole night
• Don’t complain about the terrible “youth of today” for a whole day
Dare Me T-Shirt – 30 Year Old - Description
A great list of dare’s for someone to do on his or her 30th Birthday. Tick them off as you go, or simply have everyone sign it as a memento of the event. Included on this t-shirt are the following dares:
• Air guitar to your favourite song standing on a table top
• Drink Beer through a straw
• Have sex in a position you’ve never done before
• Form a group and do “The Nutbush”
• Kiss 30 strangers
• Get 30 potential dates’ phone numbers & write them on this shirt
• Request songs from the 80’s
• Pash a stranger for 2 minutes
• Order a drink a Flaming Orgasm
• Have everyone attending sign this shirt
• Make a list of everyone you’ve slept with & write it on this shirt
• Fake an orgasm – loudly!
And have a wicked time!
Dare Me T-Shirt – 18 Year Old - Description
A great list of dare’s for someone to do on their 18th Birthday. Tick them off as you go, or simply have everyone sign it as a memento. Included on this t-shirt are the following dares:
• Air guitar to your favorite song standing on a table top
• Buy a round for all your friends
• Use the opposite sex’s toilet
• Undo your fly for ½ hour
• Kiss 18 strangers
• Plan an adventurous position for your first date as a 21 year old and write it here……..mmmmmm
• Run 3 laps of the bar
• Pash a stranger for 2 minutes
• Order a drink a PINK PUSSY
• Have everyone attending sign the shirt
• Get 18 potential dates’ phone numbers and write them on the shirt
• Slow dance on the floor by yourself
And have a bloody good time!
Friday Funnies
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE AREN'T:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn't:
1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM AREN'T:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in a law firm isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome ?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't:
1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but at the office isn't:
1. It's not fair. I do all the work while he just sits there!!!
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM AREN'T:
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in a law firm isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?
TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF AREN'T:
10. Damn, my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome ?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty but in golf isn't:
1. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first
Friday Whatisit no.2
Ok, now this is a bit harder, no cropping here...what is it and what is it used for?
Joke
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
He says into the microphone...
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence...
"Well, stop f*cking clapping then."
He says into the microphone...
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence...
"Well, stop f*cking clapping then."
Friday Funnies
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
MY 5 FAVOURITE MOVIES
1.Apocolypse now
2.Taxi driver
3.One flew over the cuckoo's nest
4.The silence of the lambs
5.The deer hunter
click on the title for a link to some top movies
2.Taxi driver
3.One flew over the cuckoo's nest
4.The silence of the lambs
5.The deer hunter
click on the title for a link to some top movies
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
short list of movies
Arsenic and Old Lace - why? its funny
American Graffiti -Great music
Saving Private Ryan- puts you off war
The castle- great Aussie movie
Smiley gets a gun -childhood
JFK- Just good
American Graffiti -Great music
Saving Private Ryan- puts you off war
The castle- great Aussie movie
Smiley gets a gun -childhood
JFK- Just good
Top 5 favourite Movies?
Bear recently applied for a job in a video rental store, and they asked him for his top 5 movies. It got me thinking..........
1. Muriels Wedding
2. Singing in the Rain
3. The Rage in Placid Lake
4. The Weeping Camel
5. The Castle
(and about another 100, this is hard!)
What are yours? :)
1. Muriels Wedding
2. Singing in the Rain
3. The Rage in Placid Lake
4. The Weeping Camel
5. The Castle
(and about another 100, this is hard!)
What are yours? :)
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
More Stevo pics
More Steve Irwin Australia Zoo pics on my Buzznet space. The space has been greatly reduced, and loads more little kiddie stuff now, lots of toy snakes/crocs etc, very sweet.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
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