Thanks Johnno, Mate, Buddy, Pal
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
This is one of the Frangipanis I planted on behalf of Dad and I. It's finally flowering, after 2 years, woo hoo. In order to get this pic however (thanks for taking it Bear) I fell off my garden chair when the legs buckled from under me, knocking over a large potplant. Thank goodness my camera was saved, I went down in slow motion, holding the camera up in the air. As you do.
Patty
Brokeback Mountain
A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming goes into the Doctor’s office and has some tests run.
The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS."
The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc,what can I do?"
The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."
The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS."
The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc,what can I do?"
The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."
So what can you do while driving?
The link above is a BBC link. I can just imagine what the male population are saying about this. "Do you think her handbag was hung on the indicator stalk?"
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Bloody Hell
Thursday Mar 9 18:08 AEDT
British broadcasting authorities have banned the use of the latest advertisements promoting Australian tourism, which feature the slogan "Where the bloody hell are you?"
Federal Tourism Minister Fran Bailey said in a statement the ban by the UK's Broadcast Advertising Clearance Centre was comical.
"How anyone can take offence at a beautiful girl in a bikini on a sunny beach inviting them to visit Down Under is a mystery to me," Ms Bailey said.
Brits ban our 'bloody' adTourism Australia managing director Scott Morrison said he understood UK free-to-air TV stations had been refused permission to use the ads.
"We know from our research and all the research we did over there that people are not offended by this, particularly the people we are trying to talk to," Mr Morrison told ABC radio.
He said he was not upset by the ban and hoped that publicity surrounding it would provide a further boost for the campaign.
"Everything helps," Mr Morrison said.
Mr Morrison said the ban, which applied only to the use of the word "bloody" on commercial television, was "a marketer's dream".
"The PR (public relations) that will be driving the campaign in the UK next week is going to be unprecedented," he said.
"We would have preferred the ad to run the way we first made it, but we can still run it the way it is cut now, which says 'Where the hell are you?'," Mr Morrison said. It will just have that slight adjustment to it with the word being omitted from television advertising."
The campaign will be officially launched in the UK on Monday.
©AAP 2006
British broadcasting authorities have banned the use of the latest advertisements promoting Australian tourism, which feature the slogan "Where the bloody hell are you?"
Federal Tourism Minister Fran Bailey said in a statement the ban by the UK's Broadcast Advertising Clearance Centre was comical.
"How anyone can take offence at a beautiful girl in a bikini on a sunny beach inviting them to visit Down Under is a mystery to me," Ms Bailey said.
Brits ban our 'bloody' adTourism Australia managing director Scott Morrison said he understood UK free-to-air TV stations had been refused permission to use the ads.
"We know from our research and all the research we did over there that people are not offended by this, particularly the people we are trying to talk to," Mr Morrison told ABC radio.
He said he was not upset by the ban and hoped that publicity surrounding it would provide a further boost for the campaign.
"Everything helps," Mr Morrison said.
Mr Morrison said the ban, which applied only to the use of the word "bloody" on commercial television, was "a marketer's dream".
"The PR (public relations) that will be driving the campaign in the UK next week is going to be unprecedented," he said.
"We would have preferred the ad to run the way we first made it, but we can still run it the way it is cut now, which says 'Where the hell are you?'," Mr Morrison said. It will just have that slight adjustment to it with the word being omitted from television advertising."
The campaign will be officially launched in the UK on Monday.
©AAP 2006
UK Woman caught doing makeup with both hands
Date: 09/03/06 North Wales police couldn't believe their eyes when a camera at a notorious accident blackspot caught a woman driver speeding while using both hands to put on her make-up.
Donna Maddock, 22, was filmed as she drove along the A499, one of Britain's most dangerous roads. She held a mirror in her left hand and an eye pencil in her right, leaving the steering wheel to itself.
On Wednesday, she was fined STG200 ($A474.78) with STG55 ($A130.56) costs and had six penalty points added to her driving licence after admitting careless driving at Pwllheli magistrates court.
"A car is a dangerous lump of metal in the wrong hands. You need to be in control at all times, and Miss Maddock's actions beggars belief," said Inspector Essi Ahari in a statement.
A police spokeswoman said the camera had been set up because of the large numbers of collisions and deaths on that stretch of road.
"It is to catch speeding drivers. But when officers saw the film of her applying her makeup it was also obvious that she was committing a careless act," she said.
Copyright © 2006 REUTERS
Donna Maddock, 22, was filmed as she drove along the A499, one of Britain's most dangerous roads. She held a mirror in her left hand and an eye pencil in her right, leaving the steering wheel to itself.
On Wednesday, she was fined STG200 ($A474.78) with STG55 ($A130.56) costs and had six penalty points added to her driving licence after admitting careless driving at Pwllheli magistrates court.
"A car is a dangerous lump of metal in the wrong hands. You need to be in control at all times, and Miss Maddock's actions beggars belief," said Inspector Essi Ahari in a statement.
A police spokeswoman said the camera had been set up because of the large numbers of collisions and deaths on that stretch of road.
"It is to catch speeding drivers. But when officers saw the film of her applying her makeup it was also obvious that she was committing a careless act," she said.
Copyright © 2006 REUTERS
Holden ad is "trashing Australia"
Germaine Greer, famous for being the poster girl of the 1970’s burn-the-bra feminist movement, has once again unleashed her fury at the way women are depicted on Australian TV.
An ad for the Holden Rodeo, which features a man fantasizing about driving the car with glamorous TV personality Suzie Wilkes as his passenger, is Greer’s new target in her campaign for equal rights and opportunities.
The Daily Telegraph reports that Germaine Greer expressed her concern over the ad during a lunchtime meeting.
She said it was bad enough the commercial showed a 4WD “trashing Australia” — (it's shot in a quarry!)it then has a “young, slimmer and entirely servile [Wilkes] who ends up polishing the 4WD.”
“Why haven’t plate glass windows at Holden show-rooms been exploding all over Australia?” Dr Greer asked.
“How much humiliation are you women up for? I promise they wouldn’t do it in Europe — they wouldn’t dare.” (humiliation? If hubby buys a nice new car, and carts you around in it, it's equal responsibilty, surely?)
Greer is as aggressive as ever when it comes to fighting for women’s rights, but she still has it in her to be kind and encouraging. (bullsh*t!)
“Look for joy, pleasure, satisfaction — don’t think solely in terms of struggle, don’t think solely in terms of ambition,” she told a group of school-girls on the Gold Coast yesterday.
“Even if you’ve a seat on the board of directors, it isn’t necessarily where you want to be.” (No wonder men don't know what we want! If you are on the Board of Directors, AND YOU DONT WANT TO BE THERE, get off! *slaps head repeatedly)
Although she's not longer burning bras, Dr Greer certainly still has some strong opinions to share.
(I think she is an aggresive old woman who needs a sense of humour, I take offence at ads that depict men as stupid and useless, unable to do anything.)
What are YOUR thoughts?
An ad for the Holden Rodeo, which features a man fantasizing about driving the car with glamorous TV personality Suzie Wilkes as his passenger, is Greer’s new target in her campaign for equal rights and opportunities.
The Daily Telegraph reports that Germaine Greer expressed her concern over the ad during a lunchtime meeting.
She said it was bad enough the commercial showed a 4WD “trashing Australia” — (it's shot in a quarry!)it then has a “young, slimmer and entirely servile [Wilkes] who ends up polishing the 4WD.”
“Why haven’t plate glass windows at Holden show-rooms been exploding all over Australia?” Dr Greer asked.
“How much humiliation are you women up for? I promise they wouldn’t do it in Europe — they wouldn’t dare.” (humiliation? If hubby buys a nice new car, and carts you around in it, it's equal responsibilty, surely?)
Greer is as aggressive as ever when it comes to fighting for women’s rights, but she still has it in her to be kind and encouraging. (bullsh*t!)
“Look for joy, pleasure, satisfaction — don’t think solely in terms of struggle, don’t think solely in terms of ambition,” she told a group of school-girls on the Gold Coast yesterday.
“Even if you’ve a seat on the board of directors, it isn’t necessarily where you want to be.” (No wonder men don't know what we want! If you are on the Board of Directors, AND YOU DONT WANT TO BE THERE, get off! *slaps head repeatedly)
Although she's not longer burning bras, Dr Greer certainly still has some strong opinions to share.
(I think she is an aggresive old woman who needs a sense of humour, I take offence at ads that depict men as stupid and useless, unable to do anything.)
What are YOUR thoughts?
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Q1: Have you done this before?
Q2: Do you like to go out dancing?
Q3 What do you do for a job?
Q4: Do you like to watch a sunset?
Q5: Are you from around here?
Q6: Are you seeing anyone at the moment?
Q7: Are you married divorced or single?
Q8: Whats your favourite colour?
Q9: Are you afraid of the dark?
Q10: Whats the one major thing your looking for in a man?
Q2: Do you like to go out dancing?
Q3 What do you do for a job?
Q4: Do you like to watch a sunset?
Q5: Are you from around here?
Q6: Are you seeing anyone at the moment?
Q7: Are you married divorced or single?
Q8: Whats your favourite colour?
Q9: Are you afraid of the dark?
Q10: Whats the one major thing your looking for in a man?
TEN THINGS!
No, that's not a mistype, I want Ten Things you would ASK on a Speed Date. Go for it!
Patty
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Joke
Three women were showering in the athletic club when a man ran through wearing nothing but a bag over his head. The first woman checked him out and said, "He's not my husband!" The second woman looked him over and said, "He's not my husband, either!" He passed the third woman, who agreed, "Hey, wait a minute.
He's not even a member of this club!"
He's not even a member of this club!"
Monday, March 06, 2006
Think
A birth certificate shows that you were born.
A death certificate shows that you died.
A photo album shows that you lived.
A death certificate shows that you died.
A photo album shows that you lived.
Hostings Oscars
The job of hosting the Academy Awards, one of the most prestigious and demanding assignments in Hollywood, now falls to cable television political satirist Jon Stewart, an Oscar newcomer who will preside over Sunday's 78th annual ceremony.
Here are some notable high points and faux pas from years past.
- Bob Hope, who hosted or co-hosted the Oscars a record 18 times but never took home a statuette for any of his movie roles, opened the 1968 show by saying, "Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as they're known at my house, Passover."
- Jerry Lewis, a co-host in 1959, did his manic best to keep the proceedings going when the show ran 20 minutes short. Desperate to fill time, Lewis told jokes, danced, played the trumpet and offered to show Three Stooges shorts "to cheer up the losers." He even grabbed a baton to start conducting the orchestra, shouting, "We may get a bar mitzvah out of this!" NBC finally pulled the plug and went to a sports documentary on pistol shooting
-When the 1974 show was famously disrupted by a streaker dashing across the stage, co-host David Niven quickly remarked that "probably the only laugh that man will ever get is for stripping and showing his shortcomings."
- Billy Crystal, an eight-time host, says his favourite Oscar moment came in 1992 when 70-something actor Jack Palance began performing one-armed push-ups on stage after receiving his Oscar for City Slickers.
Crystal turned the moment into a running gag, sprinkling the rest of the evening with one-liners such as: "Jack Palance is backstage on the StairMaster" and "Jack Palance has just bungee-jumped off the Hollywood sign."
Also that evening, 100-year-old veteran producer Hal Roach stood up in the audience to take a bow and, without a microphone, began delivering an inaudible speech. Crystal came to the rescue without missing a beat: "I think that's fitting because Mr Roach started in silent films."
- David Letterman got off to a dubious start in 1995 with the odd introductory line, "Uma, Oprah ... Oprah, Uma" (an apparent reference to Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey) and brought a couple of his signature late-night TV shticks, a Top 10 list and a Stupid Pet Trick, to the Oscar proceedings.
- Whoopi Goldberg opened the first post-9/11 Oscars in 2002 by descending to the stage on a trapeze in top hat and feathers, later remarking that "Security here tonight is tighter than some of the faces." She also joked about the length of the show: "Oscar is the only 74-year-old man in Hollywood who doesn't need Viagra to last three hours."
- Steve Martin opened the 2003 awards with an oblique reference to the Iraq war that had begun days earlier, prompting Oscar organisers to tone down the show's glitz. "By the way, the proceeds from tonight's telecast - and I think this is so great - will be divvied up between huge corporations," Martin said.
- Chris Rock irked some Academy members with an opening monologue last year in which he told the assembled movie elite that "there's only four real stars" and the rest were "just popular people."
Here are some notable high points and faux pas from years past.
- Bob Hope, who hosted or co-hosted the Oscars a record 18 times but never took home a statuette for any of his movie roles, opened the 1968 show by saying, "Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as they're known at my house, Passover."
- Jerry Lewis, a co-host in 1959, did his manic best to keep the proceedings going when the show ran 20 minutes short. Desperate to fill time, Lewis told jokes, danced, played the trumpet and offered to show Three Stooges shorts "to cheer up the losers." He even grabbed a baton to start conducting the orchestra, shouting, "We may get a bar mitzvah out of this!" NBC finally pulled the plug and went to a sports documentary on pistol shooting
-When the 1974 show was famously disrupted by a streaker dashing across the stage, co-host David Niven quickly remarked that "probably the only laugh that man will ever get is for stripping and showing his shortcomings."
- Billy Crystal, an eight-time host, says his favourite Oscar moment came in 1992 when 70-something actor Jack Palance began performing one-armed push-ups on stage after receiving his Oscar for City Slickers.
Crystal turned the moment into a running gag, sprinkling the rest of the evening with one-liners such as: "Jack Palance is backstage on the StairMaster" and "Jack Palance has just bungee-jumped off the Hollywood sign."
Also that evening, 100-year-old veteran producer Hal Roach stood up in the audience to take a bow and, without a microphone, began delivering an inaudible speech. Crystal came to the rescue without missing a beat: "I think that's fitting because Mr Roach started in silent films."
- David Letterman got off to a dubious start in 1995 with the odd introductory line, "Uma, Oprah ... Oprah, Uma" (an apparent reference to Uma Thurman and Oprah Winfrey) and brought a couple of his signature late-night TV shticks, a Top 10 list and a Stupid Pet Trick, to the Oscar proceedings.
- Whoopi Goldberg opened the first post-9/11 Oscars in 2002 by descending to the stage on a trapeze in top hat and feathers, later remarking that "Security here tonight is tighter than some of the faces." She also joked about the length of the show: "Oscar is the only 74-year-old man in Hollywood who doesn't need Viagra to last three hours."
- Steve Martin opened the 2003 awards with an oblique reference to the Iraq war that had begun days earlier, prompting Oscar organisers to tone down the show's glitz. "By the way, the proceeds from tonight's telecast - and I think this is so great - will be divvied up between huge corporations," Martin said.
- Chris Rock irked some Academy members with an opening monologue last year in which he told the assembled movie elite that "there's only four real stars" and the rest were "just popular people."
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Life's little Speed Bumps
An incident happen the other day at work, that I thought was one of life’s little lessons.
A young Engineer that I worked with 10 years ago, and hadn’t seen in some time, had lunch with me the other day at work.
He is a very religious person and used to try to convert me to his Fundamentalist Christian religion. This irked me a lot, because I’m not very religious, but I do believe in a Supreme Being. I believe in not pushing my faith on other, and hope they don’t push their faith on me.
Anyway, we had a nice lunch, he didn’t preach to me, and we got caught up on what has happen to us in the past ten years.
He had divorced his wife, because as he put it, she had taken the commandment "love thy neighbor" too literally. It was a nasty divorce, involving the three children. He finally got custody of the children.
He remarried in 2003 to an Afro-American woman (that shouldn't have surprised me, but did). I had to bite my tongue when he told me about remarrying, because I remember him telling a young lady Tech Designer (Drafter) that she shouldn't marry her fiancée, because he had been married before, and would be living in sin with a polygamist. She told him to mind his own "Blanking" business.
I told one co-worker that used to work with us, about him remarrying, he said "Of course he preaches not of what he practices!"
I guess life has away of teaching us to slow down and not take things too seriously.
A young Engineer that I worked with 10 years ago, and hadn’t seen in some time, had lunch with me the other day at work.
He is a very religious person and used to try to convert me to his Fundamentalist Christian religion. This irked me a lot, because I’m not very religious, but I do believe in a Supreme Being. I believe in not pushing my faith on other, and hope they don’t push their faith on me.
Anyway, we had a nice lunch, he didn’t preach to me, and we got caught up on what has happen to us in the past ten years.
He had divorced his wife, because as he put it, she had taken the commandment "love thy neighbor" too literally. It was a nasty divorce, involving the three children. He finally got custody of the children.
He remarried in 2003 to an Afro-American woman (that shouldn't have surprised me, but did). I had to bite my tongue when he told me about remarrying, because I remember him telling a young lady Tech Designer (Drafter) that she shouldn't marry her fiancée, because he had been married before, and would be living in sin with a polygamist. She told him to mind his own "Blanking" business.
I told one co-worker that used to work with us, about him remarrying, he said "Of course he preaches not of what he practices!"
I guess life has away of teaching us to slow down and not take things too seriously.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Ageing
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?" WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN??
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. HMMM.........OR COULD HE???
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID.I'M A MUSTANG." HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, "IN1959. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN??
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. HMMM.........OR COULD HE???
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID.I'M A MUSTANG." HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, "IN1959. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
PattycamWatchers
PattycamWatchers
Who has been watching 20 to 1 ? I saw Gary Mc donald on the show and fell about in fits of laughter
Who has been watching 20 to 1 ? I saw Gary Mc donald on the show and fell about in fits of laughter
REMEMBER
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
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